Flashback # 1: The year is 1995. I am in class 10th....standing in front of a heavily built teacher....looking at my not-so-clean shoes....and....listening to some heavy-duty "gyan". Some of my friends are standing behind a pillar and are giggling. The teacher is telling me that one day I will regret everything. She is predicting that most of the people I hang out with will end up being "no one" but they wont regret it as nobody has any expectations from them anyways....however, if I fail, I will regret it, and so will everyone who knows me...as I have the potential......blah blah blah followed by some more blah blah blah.
I am thinking that it is just some crappy useless advise which teachers....and parents....are supposed to give!!!! Otherwise they will not be called good teachers or good parents. But ya, I agree with her on the "I have the potential" part. Remaining part of that gyan is absolutely boring bullshit.
Flashback #2: The year is 1999. I am in second year college. I have met a classmate from class 10th. He is working with a courier company as a delivery boy!!! He is telling me about the others from the gang. I come to know that one guy is running a small time grocery shop in the outskirts of Ranchi, another one is simply doing nothing (ya, he is doing drugs but for discussion sake, let us not count that!!!), one guy is a member of an extortion gang and to top it all....one guy is in jail for attempted murder!!!! I get a shock and I am thinking that now it is high time that I get my act straight or else I will join this elite list. I resolve to get serious about my life.
Scene 3: It is April 10, 2008. (Oh c'mon!!!! don't think that I became really really serious after the incident in "Flashback # 2", became immensely successful and made tonnes of money!!!! This is not a script of a bollywood potboiler in which a zero turns into a hero. But ya, I did recover well enough to rejoin the race).
Coming back to the scene.....I am sitting in a movie hall.....watching an emotional scene about an old and helpless father and a son who does not care. I am realising that I am not doing enough for my parents. I want to do so much for them but I am not doing anything. After that I become very very emotional.
Cut to the present moment. Here I am, writing my feelings....hoping that no one reads them....yet for some strange reason, am writing on a "free-for-all-to-read" kind of space.
I have seen so many people who have all the resources but they do not do anything for their parents. And then there are people (read losers) like me who want to do so much for their parents but are not able to do much. Not that parents expect anything materialistic from their children...at least not mine. All they look for is love and affection. I do try my best to make my parents feel loved but I want to do so much more. I want to give my parents all the happiness. I want to give them the life they could have led if they did not have the constraints....and much more. Thats the destination, the ultimate milestone. But right now I do not have the fuel that will take me there....in fact, I am not even close!!!! I am trying my best and will do all that I can. But sometimes, like today, I go back to "Flashback # 1" and regret everything.
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