Games Period - II

The support system is crumbling and crumbling fast.......

The story of 'Person H'

1. Person A in Team A gets a project
2. Person B, who is charge of Team B has to deliver the project
3. Person C of Team B is made the project lead
4. Persons D and E of Team B have to 'actually' manage the project
5. Persons D and E of Team B leave the company (expected)
6. Person F who leads Team C and Person G who leads Team D offer to 'help' Person B of Team B
7. Person H of Team C and Person I of Team D are now handled the responsibility
8. Person H of Team C and Person I of Team D do not have any experience in the concerned industry
9. Person H of Team C is now the project lead
10. Person H reaches out to Person E, who is no longer with the company but was part of Team B, to get some pointers regarding how to go about the task
11. Person E tells Person H that the project is difficult to execute in the present timelines. The proposed timelines were longer but Person A 'caved in' infront of the client (same old story)
12. Person H is not amused!!!
13. Person I of Team D is available till the kick-off but is not available afterwards
14. Person J of Team D is pulled in to do the work of Person I
15. Person A has the job of making the promises to the client but nothing else
16. Person B has the job of....hmmm....well....nothing
17. Person H and Person J start the work
18. Both person H and Person J have other commitments as well
19. Person H puts in extra hours and tries to manage all the commitments
20. Person J cannot ignore some of the other commitments but does some good work
21. The draft work is sent to Person A, Person B and to Person I
22. Person B does not have time to review....not even 10 minutes
23. Person A suggests some changes in the work done by Person J
24. Person J is not available to make the changes
25. Person I is not available to make the changes
26. Person H has too much on his plate but has no choice and he takes care of the changes in the work that was supposed to be done by Persons I and J
27. Person H makes the changes and submits the deliverable
28. Person A is happy
29. Person B is always happy as soon as work is done and he does not have to do it or worry about it
30. Person A sets up a presentation with client at the last minute
31. Person I and J are not available
32. Person H has to take care of the presentation
33. Person H has a lot to be delivered on the same day but now has no choice but to prepare for the presentation
34. Person H, who is from Team C tries to contact Person F, who leads Team C to explain his agony
35. Person F is not available
36. Person H is screwed!!!
37. Person H is swamped but is choosing to blog first. He needs to vent out his anger and frustration

Frustrated

More than a month since I got a single day's break. It has been a hectic, tiring, stressful and more importantly frustrating journey. My day starts at 7am everyday and on most days, I go to bed well past midnight. This routine is particularly frustrating as I do not see others around me working their asses off. I work amidst people who are mostly chatting over a cup of coffee, spending a lot of time on Facebook, cribbing about their bosses, discussing increments and variable pay outs and above all, looking for opportunities outside the company!!! I am not suggesting that people do not work here but most do not work enough. And there are some who are made to compensate.

Unless pushed to the corner, I do not like to tell people at workplace that I have been putting in so many hours. If I do that, I expect people to understand my situation. Here, people listen to that, say 'oh, thats bad' and then say can you take 10 minutes out to do something additional? 

Yesterday was particularly tiring and frustrating. The first half was spent preparing for a 3 hour long presentation (170 slides!!!). I skipped lunch for it. The presentation started at 2pm and went till 4:50pm. Took half an hour break after that. Then started reviewing another set of documents that I had targeted to send yesterday. Found several issues and hence postponed the delivery. It does not matter as the actual delivery date is couple of weeks away. After that, I came back home and started working on some additions in the deck that was presented earlier in the day.

I was feeling frustrated as I knew that weekend would be equally shitty. In the weekend, I would be required to prepare a storyboard for a project that is starting after couple of days. I do not know whose brilliant idea was it to start a project with a ready storyboard. More often than not, the people with such brilliant ideas do not have to executive them. The project that is starting from Monday was supposed to be done by the people with the industry knowledge and they had indicated that it would take 8 weeks. After submitting the proposal, most in the project team quit the company (I wonder why!!!). Later, a new project team (including yours truly) was created and this team has ZERO industry knowledge. And this team will have to deliver the project in 5 weeks!!! Somehow, this calculation is beyond me. This is not all. There are lot of aspects regarding the project that are ambiguous. No one really knows what does the proposal actually mean....what is the proposed methodology. The people who are still around have suggested that lets ask the clients in the kickoff call!!! This would be the first in my career. We would be asking the client what is the meaning of something that is written in the proposal that we submitted!!! That is awesome. The state of affairs has been giving me a lot of stress and frustration.

Last night, while working on the additions in the deck, I started having a strange pain in my chest and left arm. I got scared expecting the worse but I did not want to think about it too much. There was no time to have a heart attack!! I continued working till 2:15 am. At that hour, no one in the Kuala Lumpur and Singapore offices were online. I got up this morning and started working on the storyboard. Noone from this project team is online!!! Spent half an hour with my daughter and I would love to spend more but that is not an option. Indeed I could have spent more time with her instead of spending time writing this useless crap. But I was feeling suffocated and had to let this out.

This is mighty frustrating. Is this worth it?

Games Period

Sachinism: Tell Me Why?

I have some questions related to Sachin. Some of them are as follows;

• If the only reason why Sachin has scored more runs than anyone else on the planet is that he has played for more number of years then why did anyone else not play <could not play> for so many years?
• If starting early has been the biggest contributor to Sachin's number of runs then where is Hasan Raza?
• Why do not people go through the stats before making comments like "India loses whenever Sachin scores a century"?
• Why is it that the most 'violent' critics of Sachin Tendulkar are all Sourav Ganguly fans? 
• Why do people find it difficult to suggest a single decent replacement for Sachin but still say that Sachin should retire?
• Why is it that some people suggest that all the wins under Ganguly's captaincy were due to his captaincy and all the defeats were because of Sachin's batting?
• Why is that only the score in the finals is looked at and not the road to the finals? 
• Why is it that some people are too busy pointing at a relatively slow 100th hundred but are not talking about the huge achievement of 100 hundreds? 
• Kohli was undoubtedly and by far the best Indian batsman on the Australian tour. But why is that some people wanted Sachin, arguably the second best batsman on the tour, to be axed? Why is it that Sachin, after so many successful years in International cricket, is still judged series-by-series? 
• Why is that some people start an argument over Sachin's batting, try to compare Sachin with Ganguly and after failing miserably start comparing their captaincy records?
• Why is it that in scenario (1) where Dhoni does not perform, India scores 250-300 but lose, Dhoni says that bowlers should understand that they will not always get a 300+ score to defend but in scenario (2) where his performance was okay, Sachin scored a relatively slow century, India scored 289 and lost, he says that a few more runs on the board would have been great?
• Why do a lot of Ganguly supporters do not like Sachin, the batsman and Dhoni, the captain? However while arguing, they start giving more pointers about Dhoni as the batsman and Sachin as the captain?
• If some people suggest that Ganguly left the scene gracefully to give chances to youngsters then why is he still playing domestic cricket and in IPL?
• How come Ganguly's commentary skills and Sachin's voice a point in an argument over Sachin's and Ganguly's cricketing skills?
• Why is it that some people cannot admire a star in the sky and always pray for a falling star?
• Why is it that some people cannot understand that in this land of poverty, pollution, corruption and scams, Sachin has given us more reasons to feel proud that anyone else?

(Disclaimer: Most of my arguments with people who disrespect Sachin as well as the above mentioned questions may suggest that I dislike Sourav Ganguly. Nothing can be farther from the truth. I actually admire Ganguly for his captaincy skills. I do believe that Ganguly had some shortcomings as a captain but he is still the best 'captain' India has ever had. And I do believe that the overall package had some limitations. I admit that I have said some stupid things about him during some heated debates but they have been purely because I had to defend Sachin from some violent 'Ganguly supporters cum Sachin bashers'. I strongly believe that Ganguly is our national hero and I respect him immensely.) 

Here, 'tomorrow' always look better

The best thing about this place is that it does not allow you to worry too much about what is going to happen tomorrow.......but only because there are too many things lined up for today that you are more worried about!!!

कुछ रिश्ते बस ख़त्म हो जाते हैं

I do not know what I want to or can write here. :(

I need to follow this mantra...........


Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram,
Jitna Paisa Utna Kaam

Sob Story

I started this year with a bunch of resolutions. As we are inching closer to the end of first quarter, I thought I will have a quick status check. It did not take much time since I have failed on ALL the resolutions.

The main reason for the failure is the "Work-Life Imbalance", maintaining which is ironically one of my resolutions. I had decided that no matter how much extra hours I have to work during the week, I will save the weekends for my family. Cannot remember when was the last time I had a proper weekend. I work at least one of the two days. Even when I am not working, the stress of the pending work, the schedule in the coming week and sometimes the things that could go wrong bog me down.

I spent sometime thinking about the reason for this situation and here are few reasons;

1. There is no place for team work in this office. People work in silos. More often than not, one person has to deliver the entire project. For example, on one of the projects I am working on, I am the only person who has to do the analysis and put together a deliverable. There were teams who helped in data collection but I can go on for hours about how they created more problems than solving them. Now when the data is with me (in all possible formats), I have to compile and analyze the data and put together an exhaustive deliverable...all my myself
2. So whats the big deal? Have I not done in the past? Yes, I have. On numerous occasions. However, on most of those occasions, I was the one who had put together the proposal. In this case, the proposal was created by....hmmm....almost everyone!!! Unrealistic promises were made to the client. This is something that I am experiencing for the first time in my life. People put together a proposal and if the project is bagged, more often than not someone else is made to "walk on fire". Anyways, the issue is that I have been made to deal with way too much ambiguity. And I felt that people forgot that I am new to this industry, new to this part of the world, the people and the work culture and I am new to this organization and the processes
3. Again, whats the big deal? Have I not dealt with ambiguity in the past? Yes, having worked in 2 start-up companies and 2 start-up teams, I am not new to ambiguity. However, there is way too much that has been put on my plate. To give an example, I am handling another project, which should have been as easy as they come. However, it has been turned into a disastrous one, thanks to some poor project management by the office who has the overall project management responsibilities. In spite of doing everything properly, now I have to worry about several additional steps and levels of scrutiny. With my existing work load, this was something I wanted to avoid
4. This situation has made me work till late almost everyday. I am among the first few to arrive in the office and on most days in past few weeks, I have been the one who "closes" the office. (ya, being the last person to leave the office comes with a punishment here. One has to switch off all the lights, ACs and then close the main door!!!). I work like this through the week and then I work on the weekends as well
5. But, have I not worked in this manner in the past? Yes I have....since my first company. In my first company, people used to start hovering the main door around 5:45 pm. 6pm and bang...it used to become a curfew like situation in the office. In that kind of place (no job satisfaction and no money), I have spent days on which I have arrived at 9 am on a day and left at 8 pm on the next day. In my second job, there used to be a week every month in which I used to go home only for 1 hour every day to freshen up and the remaining time was spent in office!!! Later, Deloitte took away the work-life balance completely but I must admit that I used to feel happy while coming back from the office everyday. So no regrets there. My fourth job was relatively better but it still made me work on several weekends, primarily because there was no team. So I am not new to this but  the point is that no one should be working like this. All the years of slogging in this manner has definitely taken a toll on my health and I must admit, I find it extremely difficult to put night-outs like before. My health has deteriorated and I am not getting any younger
6. Oh, what a sob story!!! Aren't both the projects getting over by the month end? So whats with all this cribbing? A few more days and the ordeal should be over, isn't it? Ya, that is what I was hoping for. Not that I was looking forward to a few weeks of relaxation and not much work. I was just hoping that for at least few weekends, I would get some time with my family. However, a new project is starting. A project where objectives and deliverables have been decided but somehow (not surprisingly though), no one focused on methodology. A project where there is shortage of time but abundance of "May Be"s. A project which I would be leading with no experience in the domain. A project where everyone says that they would help but on the calls they indicate that they have a lot going on and so they would only provide guidance wherever required. So what does that mean? That means that I would end up screwing few more weeks and weekends slogging like anything. I feel that suddenly the finishing line has been pushed back....5 weeks to be precise
7. Do I deserve this? I have worked like this in the past. I am often called a workaholic. So, I am "kind of okay" as long as I am learning something (cliched but true). However, my wife and my daughter does not deserve this. When I work at home and my daughter crawls towards me and my laptop, intending to play with me, often I bark at my wife to take our daughter away and put her in the crib. I feel sorry but I cannot help it. Not many know but everyday before leaving for office, I apologize to my daughter for not spending any time with her. She smiles and I feel like killing myself. I have already turned into a bad husband and a bad father. The trouble is that with the lack of processes and ownership and with too much on my plate to deal with, I may be heading towards becoming a bad employee and project manager. I do not deserve this. My family does not deserve this

Oh, I have wasted half an hour of precious time on the weekend writing this nonsense. Now I must get back to the deliverable.

What happened to all the weekends in my calendar? I cant find any!!!! :(

Ananya stopping me from going to office

Every morning I start hating my job (and for that matter, any job) all the more :(

Miss my country :(

Teri amrit bhari lehro ko kya maloom ganga maa,
Samundaar paar, viraane mein teri yaad aati hai,

Ke har ek khaali pade alind mein teri yaad aati hai,

Subah ke khwaab ke malind teri yaad aati hai,

Kahin dollar ke peeche chup gaye Bharat ke noton par…

Dikhe Gandhi ki jo moorat to teri yaad aati hai,  

Agar mausam ho manubhawan to teri yaad aati hai,  

Jhare meghon se jab saawan to teri yaad aati hai,  

"Hello-Hey-Hi" sun kar nahi aati magar humse ...

Koi kehta hai jab JAI HIND, teri yaad aati hai

Courtesy: Kumar Vishwas

Point to Ponder

In the next match, will BCCI allow the Australian cricket team's captain and team members to decide the rules of the game, where the Indian team will stay, what they will eat, who will play, who would not?

I guess they should. If N Srinivisan, BCCI president and owner of Chennai Superkings can decide the fate of other IPL franchisees, this should also be allowed!!!

Finally, I am off IPL.  

Project Management Tricks - II

Yesterday morning, just when I was stepping out of our home for the office, my wife handed me a big list of items that I was supposed to purchase on my way back home. I pointed (no, not 'protested'. I am not allowed to do that) that it will be an issue to carry all the items since it would become extremely heavy and I would also be carrying my office laptop (which, by the way, seems to have the same weight as me). My wife, being extremely reasonable, prioritized the list of items and indicated the ones that we absolutely needed. 

In the evening, she gave me a call and told me that she will come to my office and then we can together bring all the items. The plan sounded okay to me. 

In the evening, we met in the supermarket (which is pretty close to my office...and ten minutes walk from home) and finished our shopping. After the shopping, my wife chose the lightest shopping bag to carry. She of course carried our daughter but the way i see it, she had our daughter to entertain her on the way home. And me......I carried the remaining shopping bags. Easily a 15 Kg load. Plus the office laptop!!! 

For some reason, I felt slightly duped. However, I am happy that we had that sweet little outing.

So, she assigned the task, listened to the grievances, indicated that she understands the issues, suggested a smaller goal and then made me do EVERYTHING!!! And I am also looking at the positive side. Bang!!! Mission Accomplished!!! She has all the traits of a good Project Manager!!!    

These unpredictable buggers.....when you want them to win, they lose and keep losing. And today, when I wanted them to lose, they pulled off a win!!!

Thinking of donating myself for clinical research!!!

Conspiracy that backfired

It was a special day since chicken was in the dinner menu. Normally, it would have made me very excited but on that day, I was not really looking forward to it. The reason was that I was not going to be there for dinner and that is exactly why chicken was in the menu.

In our flat, on a weekly basis, people assumed the responsibility to run the expenses. We used to pool in the money (100 Rs each) at the beginning of each week. The money was then given to the person-in-command to run the show (only the kitchen) for a week. Then it was the person-in-command's responsibility to (a) decide the menu for the week (b) ensure that the expenses do not exceed the budget (c) ensure that people get good food. For any person-in-command, it was impossible to score heavily on all three criteria, especially in a budget of INR 700. Moreover, every person in the house (in total 7 regular occupants) had a different style of running the show and had different priorities. Except Amit and I, everyone usually focused on criteria (a) and (c). Both of us were particularly interested in meeting criteria (b)!!!

It was not surprising since both of us used to receive the smallest amounts from our respective families. I used to get between 3,000-3,500 every month. A good portion used to go in fixed expenses (rent, maintenance, electricity, maid, cook etc). I used to spend a sizable amount on telephone calls. For me, telephone calls used to always get higher priority than food. There was a phase during those MBA days when I used to skip meals in order to save money for calls!!! Enough of my sob story. 

Coming back to the incident...it was a Saturday night and I had plans for the evening. I was going to my cousin's place for the night. I had recently handed over the person-in-command's role. My week in command was pretty eventful as I was committed towards cutting down the expenses to the extent possible. I was short of money and the group had made some unnecessary expenses on luxuries (like good food!!) in the week before my command. I was determined to bring the monthly expenses back on track and in that pursuit I did not allow chicken to be included on any day during my command. This naturally attracted a lot of criticism.

After my week in command, I had handed over the responsibility to Bhaskar. It was during his week in command that I decided to go to my cousin's place on the Saturday. Saturdays used to be the Khichdi day so I was not going to miss much. However, as soon as Bhaskar came to know that I will not be around, he decided to include chicken in the dinner menu. Someone did point to him that I will not be around and he responded "so what"; loud enough to ensure that I hear it. Nothing wrong on his part as I had asked for this treatment. But I felt bad and angry. Bad because my friends did not understand and appreciate my situation and angry because I was going to miss chicken. It would have become 3 weeks without chicken; a little too much to handle!!!

I decided to sabotage their joy. Before I left for my cousin's place, I sent the cook to bring some stuff. The cook requested me to take care of the chicken, which was in the 'work-in-progress' stage. It was in the cooker and was almost ready. I took the container of red chilly powder and added a 'generous' (read: substantial) amount in the cooker. Then I left for the my cousin's place.

On my way to my cousin's place, I was feeling extremely happy about what I had done. The thought of the expression on their faces while eating the chicken and hopefully in the morning made me laugh. However soon I started to feel bad about what I had done. It was childish and naive on my part to do something like that. After all it was not their fault that I was having a financial crisis.

The next morning, after I returned to our flat, I casually asked about the chicken. It was as if I had asked a bunch of kids if they want ice cream. Everyone got excited and told me that the chicken was mind-blowing and the cook had done an exceptional job in making a really spicy and delicious dish!!! The cook was sitting in the corner, accepting all the admiration and adulation with a big grin!!! A mixed bag of emotions engulfed me. I was feeling stupid, angry but also a little relieved.

This was a conspiracy that clearly back fired!!! Thankfully!!!

But those were the days. Today, all of us do meet occasionally but a chicken dish or a beer bottle does not excite us like before. Those days were much better!!!

Kilkaariyaan

मैं कुछ कुछ रह गया था यहीं कहीं !

कुछ हँसी कुछ झगड़े

यहीं तो थे कहीं

कुछ रूठना कुछ मनाना

यहीं तो थे कहीं

किसी ने न जाना

मैंने खुद भी नहीं जाना

मैं कुछ कुछ रह गया था यहीं कहीं !

आँखों में घूम गए वो पल छुट्टियों के

जहाँ सभी खड़े होते थे मेरे इंतज़ार में

एक साथ छू लेने को तत्पर

सब अपनी अपनी कहना चाहते थे

बासंती रिश्तों की खुशबू

हमारे हर कमरे , आँगन में फैली होती थी

बेमानी ठहाके लगाते थे हम

हवाएँ भी रुक कर दांतों तले ऊँगली दबाती थीं !

..........

क्या यूँ उजड़ जाते हैं बीते पल

दरक जाती हैं दीवारें

फूलों की जगह उग आती हैं झाड़ियाँ .... !!

कुछ भी हो -

इस पल कोई पुकार मुझे सुनाई दे रही है

.....किसकी पुकार कहूँ इसे

सब तो एक साथ पुकार रहे हैं ...

....

कितनी अजीब बात है -

मैं आया हूँ अपने बेटे के साथ

पर कई अपने साथ हैं -

पापा, अम्मा , बहनें , पत्नी

और यह बेटा गोद में है ....

....

यह क्या अफरातफरी है

अचानक क्यूँ समय समाप्त की घोषणा है

मुझे बड़ी बेचैनी सी हो रही है ...

क्या आज यहाँ से चलने के पहले मुझे हिदायत नहीं मिलेगी

'ठीक से जाना '

!!!

जिसे सुनते 'ओह' ज़रूर कहता था

पर बड़ा सुकून था इस बात का

रोष होता था छुट्टियों के ख़त्म हो जाने का

तो ओह ' कहने का यही बहाना होता था !

..............

चलने से पहले कहता जाऊँ

घर वो घर भले न रहा हो

पर यादों की ईमारत इतनी बुलंद है

कि मैं फिर आना चाहूँगा

क्योंकि यहाँ की दीवारों में जज़्ब वो कहकहे

आज भी सुनाई देते हैं

और यकीनन जब जब हम आयेंगे - सुनाई देते रहेंगे

(Courtesy: Minni Bua)

After watching the remakes of Don and Agneepath, I have fully realized that there can be only one Don and Vijay Dinanath Chauhan....Amitabh Bachchan!!!

Blair Witch Project - Part 2

Weekend is over :(

Someone stole my 4-day weekend!!! :(

(Courtesy: www.time.com)

Weekend full of movies

List of movies/shows I watched this weekend and their ratings (on a scale of 1-5 with 5 being the highest):

Agneepath: 1 point

I have heard that the movie is doing pretty well in India but I did not find anything special about the movie. To be very honest, I had not particularly loved the original (and I am not talking about Scarface here) except the personality of Amitabh Bachchan in it. They took that out and hence I did not like it. Simple

Ladies vs Ricky Behl: 3.5

This was pretty watchable. Liked the concept. Though it has a pretty obvious ending but it was still a good time pass

Albert Pinto Ko Gussa Kyun Aata Hai: 2

A movie that has Naseeruddin Shah, Smita Patil, Shabana Azmi and also Om Puri. I always wanted to watch this movie as I am a Naseeruddin Shah fan. Needless to say that the actors were brilliant and they made me feel their But honestly, I did not find anything special about the movie. Moreover, I found the end pretty abrupt. I enjoy parallel cinema and my wife is a commercial cinema fan. So imagine the expression on her face when the credits started to come

Survivor India - Episodes 10 and 11: 5

I am really hooked to the show. I have never enjoyed the international series but probably due to the connect, I am really enjoying this show

Shor in the City: 3

It was pretty enjoyable inspite of Tusshar Kapoor in it. It has a fresh story and decent performances

Challo Dilli: 3

I do not know who was the person who discouraged me from watching this movie when it came out. I wont say that this is a brilliant movie but for a lazy Sunday afternoon, it was a good time pass

Don 2: 1

So now the Don has become a thief!!! Brilliant. In any ways, there is only Don and he went underground in 1978

Tanu Weds Manu: 4

Have watched the movie in bits and parts earlier and watched the full movie today. It is a sweet movie, inspite of Kangna Ranaut!!! Really liked the performances of most of the actors

Our Idiot Brother: 2

This movie stars Paul Rudd and has an interesting storyline but lets just say that it could have been a lot better. There was nothing too wrong with the guy. He may not have been street smart, he may have been sensitive, he may have been innocent but he was not an idiot!!!

Russel Peters - Green Card Tour: 2

It was enjoyable but it gets a 2 because it was just about okay by Russel Peter standards

Desi Boyz: 2

It was enjoyable in parts but those parts were few and far between

India-Australia 1st ODI: 1

Same old story, no new twists. They keep serving the same dish!!! Something tells me that I should stay away from the sequels

Long journey ahead with only one pit stop!!! :(

Today is the last day of a 3 +1 day weekend. I say 3+1 as the last day of any weekend/holiday is spent in (a) looking at the watch at regular intervals (b) mourning in advance for the dying weekend (c) making to-do list for the days to follow.

Though I enjoyed the break, I personally do not prefer such long breaks. Before you start thinking (assuming I have readers) that I have lost my mind or lead a depressing life away from work, let me clarify that point. Since we do not have a car and we have a little bundle of joy, we cannot really plan trips in and around the city. Though Ananya has been most understanding on most of our shopping trips, it could be a trap!!! We may be pushing our luck too far if we plan a day-long or longer trip. So, we spend such breaks sitting at home for the most part. And...HENCE...instead of 4 day weekends, I would prefer Tuesday/Wednesday and Thursday off!!!

Today is all the more depressing since I know there is only one public holiday between now and August!!! That is a long long long journey with only one pit stop!!!

Hey, where did my tattoo go?!!?

Dear Ananya,

On 4th February 2012, you had your first fall. You fell from the bed. Off late, you have become very active but it was not your fault. I was supposed to check if you are okay and I did not do that. I am extremely sorry about that.

You cried a lot and so did I. I took you to the balcony and showed you buildings, trees, birds and all kinds of meaningless things to distract you. I said sorry to you several times.

After a while, you looked at me and smiled. That made me cry once again. You probably do not remember it anymore but I do not think I can ever forget how you were lying on the floor with a shocked expression on your face and then started crying. It was my fault and I will never be able to forgive myself for that.

I am glad that you are alright. I would try to be a better father.

Love you....always,

Daddy

Its all in the mind

(Pic courtesy: Toon Pool)

Nadal just lost in the US Open final. That is not particularly heart-breaking. You win some, You lose some. However, he lost once again to the Joker from Serbia. Now that's a worrying bit. 

Today's match was extremely close. Was stretched to the 5th set and either player could have crossed the finishing line. The first set did not have anything spectacular. They both played decent (read: Okay) tennis. Rafa managed to take the first set. In the next two sets and the first half of the fourth test, Djokovic completely dominated Rafa. Djokovic did play brilliant tennis but Rafa allowed himself to be dominated and that is another worrying bit. 

Rafa picked up his game brilliantly in the second half of the fourth set to take the set and he kept the momentum in the first half of the fifth set. Though Rafa did lose the fifth set (and as a result the match), there was nothing to be ashamed of the manner in which he played the fifth set. He played extremely well but so did the Joker. That's fine and acceptable.   

However, the consistency at which Novak Djokovic has been beating Rafael Nadal is amazing and disconcerting. The results of the recent and consistent losses to the Joker is showing on Rafa. The defeats seem to have created a mental block and Rafa has not been playing his normal game (for the most part) against Joker.

Rafa is a gifted athlete, who slowly but steadily wears down his opponents through long rallies. Plus the angles that he creates with his shots make the court much larger to cover for his opponents. Though he is still successfully doing that against most opponents, he has been unable to do that consistently against Joker. So what is so different? What has changed off late?

No matter how much I dislike the Joker, I cannot stop myself from admitting that his game has improved immensely in the last year and half. He has always been strong with his forehand as well as backhand but his forehand has suddenly become a lethal weapon. Not only it has become much faster, it has also become much more accurate. With an extremely effective forehand, a decent backhand, a good serve and a supremely fit body, he is definitely a package that is difficult to beat. If only he was not so irritating, he would have won some more fans. Not that he cares. He should be happy with the rankings, trophies and moolah!!

The sudden improvement in Joker's game caught everyone by surprise. From being a close 3rd, he suddenly got into top gear and overtook everyone else. He has been beating everyone, including Rafa. The first 1-2 losses seemed like 'Rafa was defeated by a better player on that day'. On those occasions (first few losses), there was not much wrong with Rafa's game. It was just that everything was absolutely flawless about Joker's game.

However, the defeats started affecting Rafa (that is my theory, Rafa has not told me that. Honestly!!!). Now, there seems to be a mental block. Quite often, he becomes a little too defensive against Joker. The shots become much shorter, the angles are usually missing and he tries to keep the ball in play rather than make Joker run around. As a result, Joker gets to show off the might of his supreme forehand. He makes Rafa run all around the court and he beats Rafa in long rallies!!! It may be an exaggeration but Nadal's defensive strategy is pretty similar to what Martina Hingis used to adopt or was made to adopt against Venus Williams!!! In that case, of course there was a huge difference in the abilities (as per my opinion....and the statistics). Yet Venus Williams, through her powerful game, was able to affect Hingis much more mentally than anything else. The same seems to be happening to Rafa against Joker.

Rafa should try to exploit the weaker backhand (weaker only compared to the forehand) of Joker ut he seldom manages to do that. Moreover, he seems to be trying to do a little extra with his first serve, which has so far not been a particularly successful ploy. He ends up making mistakes and the decreasing first serve percentages are an indication. That is not alarming though. This ploy does help Rafa win some easy points. It is just that when it does not click, the situation is worsened by an extremely defensive and weak second serve. His second serve is nothing but cannon fodder for Joker!!!  

It is not that Rafa lags behind through out the game. When he sees a window, he picks up his game and starts putting pressure. He did the same thing at the end of the fourth set and through out the fifth set. He played like usual....brilliantly. Yet, Joker won the fifth set as he played marginally better and he handled pressure a lot better.

There is nothing wrong with Rafa's game. It is not that he cannot beat Joker. However, he needs to overcome the mental block. He has to believe in himself like I and his millions of fans believe in him. If he plays his usual game against the Joker, he should be able to substantially decrease Joker's dominance on the outcome. Today's match was indeed an evenly-fought contest but that was probably because Rafa played his usual game only in patches. Had he been his usual self, the result could have been different. 

You must overcome the mental block Rafa and should not allow Joker to manipulate your game.  I know that you can do it Rafa!!! Vamos!!!

And ya, well played today (in patches)!!! 

That's a bird....That's a plane.....That's my Super Gal!!!

Cooking: Nasi & Ayam Kari

Yesterday, I had my first serious shot at cooking. So far, my cooking has been limited to ready-to-eat meals and  instant noodles. I have always believed that I can be good at cooking but a serious handicap has always prevented me from becoming a good cook.....laziness!!

Yesterday, under the able guidance of the head chef of my house, I made chicken curry and rice. And it was not too bad. In fact it was "Yang Tidak Dapat Dilupakan"!!!!

Nasi & Ayam Kari or Rice & Chicken Curry

Please note: I did not make Carlsberg

I wish and hope to continue cooking and learn some more dishes. Right now, I plan to just learn the basics and learn the style of the head chef. Later, I will add my special...secret ingredient in the dishes and make them lot lot L-O-T better. My secret ingredient is....Creativity.

KL Tower or Menara KL: Caught in Rain!!!

For my little bundle of joy

You make me upset,

when you cry,

I am not good at it,

but I try,

I make funny sounds,

I make funny faces,

when you smile,

the stress vanishes,

A chance to meet you,

makes me walk in the sun,

we look at each other,

play and have fun,

I may not have the best life,

do not enjoy what I do,

but I am happy,

because I have you.

No Rafa, No tennis?

I realized that I have not watched a tennis match in last several months!!! Is it because I have been too busy or is it because of the rise of the Joker? Whatever may be the reason, it is surprising!!! C'mon Rafa, you are the one who can bring me back to tennis.

Straight from the heart.........

Few comments after India's defeat against Australia in the Perth Test;

• Who says nothing positive came out of the test match. Dhoni has been banned from the Adelaide test due to slow over-rate. That increases India's chances of doing well in the fourth test manifolds. There would be a better captain for the match and a better test batsman would come in. That is a HUGE positive
• Dhoni indicated that after the series he would start thinking about a 'thoughtful' way of phasing out the seniors. Though I totally agree that the seniors should be phased out, I think Dhoni should also put some thoughts about his future in the test team. He has been bringing the team down and he should expedite his decision of giving up test cricket
• Social networking sites are full of comments about how the seniors should be 'kicked out' from the team. As I have mentioned, I agree that the seniors should be 'phased out'. And I think Sachin, inspite of playing decently in this series, should also think about puting a end date to his glorious career. A lot of people are calling for his head but strangely, I have noticed that a lot of those people are die-hard Ganguly fans!!! At least thats true with people in my friend list. Some of them would start jerking off in excitement if tomorrow Ganguly gets selected for the test side but for now, they want the 'seniors' to be 'kicked out'. Guys, please do not use offensive words against Sachin (or Mr. 100th 100 as some have been calling him on Facebook). He is a legend. Just because you have a bitter taste in your mouth and you want your favorite player to be not the only one to be 'kicked out' of the team, you should not say offensive things about Tendulkar. I respect Ganguly and I genuinely feel that he was mistreated. I think players of the stature of Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dravid and Laxman deserve a decent farewell and I stand by it
• It is easy to blame the seniors for the humiliating performance. It is easy to say that okay these guys are 38-39 years old, they are 'not getting any younger' (as if everyone else is!!!), they are slow in the field etc. Good points but look at their records. No, do not open the history books. Look at their records in the past two years. Sachin and Dravid have been by far the best players in the Test team. Still, like most others, I want them to be phased out. I do not want them to be 'kicked out'. I am not blaming them for this disasterous tour and the last one. I just think that they deserve better and they are better off not playing for much longer
• Few months back, I had heard a Kapil Dev interview about how to phase out the seniors. He had suggested that in any test match, only 2 seniors should be included in the playing XI. That will help in giving exposure to an additional new talent. I think that was a brilliant idea. However, I think (or I hope) that there may not be a need for that. I hope Laxman announces that he would retire from all forms of cricket after the Adelaide test. That way, there could be farewell for him. He should not even dream of 'proving everyone wrong' or 'silencing his critics' as he is not likely to get that chance. This will help in testing another cricketer. Sachin and Dravid should continue for a 'little more time'. Till we are confident that we have a good enough team to field without them. However, in this period as well, they should skip matches. That will help in testing a new No.3 and 4 on a regular basis. In the next series, Laxman should definitely not be there and he should make that call himself. And Sachin and Dravid should play alternate games. They should help in building a team for the future and sign off 

Its mighty depressing...and humiliating

I cannot believe that I am letting it affect me so much. I had decided that I will not even check the proceedings after what happened yesterday but it was impossible. I can feel a strange heaviness on my chest. I am feeling depressed, disgusted and humiliated.

India is on the verge of another defeat in Tests away from home. I am not a man of numbers but I think it is seven in a row in as many test matches away from home. That is pathetic since in tests 'winning and losing is not everything'. You can draw a test match as well. 

For winning or drawing a test match, a team needs bowlers who can take 20 wickets and batsmen who can put decent runs on the board or give enough resistance to the opposition to bat out the sessions. India has neither the batsmen nor the bowlers. 

'India does not have the bowlers' should not come as a surprise as that has been a historic problem. Seldom has India boasted a bowling line-up that could consistently take 20 wickets in Test matches away from home. In India, these bowlers are 'kings'. You make a track that has uneven bounce, which starts to turn from the first session on Day 1 and then every bowler starts looking the best bowler in the world. Put these bowlers away from their 'comfort zone' and then you realize that they look as average as they truly are. 

Moreover, we pick bowlers based on their past performances. Not on the basis of what a bowler has been doing but what he did a zillion years ago. Before this test series, I was surprised that everyone was excited about what Ishant Sharma would do on Australian track. The reason for that excitement was his performance on the last tour to Australia. Come on people, wake up. Ishant Sharma has been a mediocre bowler ever since. The team management, for some reason, always defend him by making statements like 'Ishant bowled his heart out but was unlucky not to get a wicket'. If that is true then we need a luckier bowler. A good bowler would be 'unlucky' in 1-2 or 5 matches. If he is always unlucky then he should be unlucky in a domestic tournament. If you have to pick and send bowlers only on the basis of past performances then why not send Kapil Dev or Agarkar to Australia. They have bowled well in Australia in the past!!!

This bowling attack lacks variety to dazzle an opponent like Australia. Zaheer is good and is clearly the spearhead. No issues with him. Umesh Yadav has managed to surprise everyone (at least me). He has shown that he does not only have the pace but also has decent variation. In spite of his inexperience, he adds a lot of value to the bowling attack. We lack a third quality seamer. Injury to Praveen Kumar did not help but injuries are common and we cannot blame them. Sreesanth is injured and moreover, he is one inconsistent performer. Aaron, thankfully injured himself or this tour would have been a bigger disaster (if there is any room left). We need experience and variation. Sadly, we do not have enough choices. We keep hearing names like Dhawal Kulkarni, Deepak Chahar, Sudeep Tyagi, Arvind etc but none of them have got enough exposure to be suddenly put to fight the tiger. Moreover, these bowlers have also been pretty inconsistent. I firmly believe that an Irrfan Pathan would have added a lot of value to our bowling attack in Australia. He has been bowling well and seems to have rediscovered his inswingers. He has the experience and he can also bat. Still, the selectors chose to overlook him. I guess the selector of the west zone ran out of his quota after getting Sachin, Zaheer, Rahane, Rohit Sharma selected in the squad. He clearly does not have as big a quota as the chairman of the selection committee.....Dravid, Laxman, Ashwin, Mithun, Vinay Kumar and Ojha....impressive!!! If Sachin, Dravid and Laxman retire now, my money is on Murali Vijay, Badrinath and Abhinav Mukund to come as replacements....unless the chief selector is replaced!!!

Coming to the batters, it has clearly been a disappointing performance. And it is not a single performance that I am talking about here. They have failed to cross 300 runs in an innings mark in many innings across last several test matches. So much for the so-called best batting line-up in the world. It is the batting performance that truly surprises me. It is not that these batsman lack technique, experience or class. Sachin, Dravid, Laxman, Sehwag are truly world class batsmen. Though I am not a big fan of Gambhir, he has a good record in test matches. Kohli has not been performing well in Test matches away from India but he is a good talent. He is a straight bat and certainly has a long future in Indian cricket. All of them have scored runs but collectively they have failed as a batting unit. That surprises me. What is so wrong? 

What I want is that Sachin should score his 100th hundred in this series (and by that I mean the last test match) and retire. There are already calls for dropping Laxman. Sachin and Dravid have played particularly  well in the last few seasons but they should not wait too long. They should leave as Gavaskar did. People were surprised and questioned why did he retire? Players should not wait for so long that people start questioning why dont they retire.

In my opinion, the biggest issue with India's performance in Test matches is our captain. I do not think he is fit to be a test player. It goes without saying that Dhoni is an asset in ODIs and T20s but he clearly is not a test batsman. He does not have the temperament. He bats lower in the order but has hardly batted successfully with the tail. That is a trait that one should learn from Laxman, who has done that successfully many a times. He tries to bulldoze his way out of pressure situations. As a captain, he has been equally mediocre. He tries to restrict batsmen in Test cricket!!! That is when there is hardly any shortage of overs available to a batsman and especially when he simply does not have the bowlers to maintain pressure. You do not give any runs for 5 balls and then bowl a boundary ball.....mission failed!!!

Some heads should definitely fall. This performance and India's past few performances abroad have been shameful. It calls for some major changes in the team. Issue is...what changes. If one wants to change the Captain, the other logical choice is Sehwag but he has been surprisingly inconsistent. However, I guess that is a change which is definitely required. However, I doubt that change will happen soon. Dhoni plays for Chennai Super Kings, which is owned by N. Srinivasan., who is a biggie in BCCI. Krishnamachari Srikanth, our chief selector is the ambassador (!!!) of Chennai Super Kings and his son plays for the side. It is a family drama out there. This association makes Srikanth one of the biggest fans of Dhoni and I doubt if he would go against the boss of his son. Conspiracy Theory? Probably.

The other changes that needs to be made are infusion of fresh talent and finding a good wicket-keeper batsman. We should give more opportunities to the likes of Ajinkya Rahane, Rohit Sharma, Cheteshwara Pujara (I think he is pretty much in the scheme of things but is out due to injury), Manish Pandey, AT Rayudu while persisting with Kohli and Rohit Sharma. When the Big 3 retires, Yuvraj Singh should be included to provide stability to the middle order. 

Finding a wicket keeper batsman is going to be tough. Right now, the choices do not go beyond Parthiv Patel,  Dinesh Karthik and Wriddhiman Saha. Among these, Parthiv should be given the chances. Though, he is a mixed bag. He is neither a great wicket keeper nor a great batsman but he is decent at both. Karthik is a good wicket keeper but he is a unreliable batsman for the Tests format. Haven't seen much of Saha except IPL but have followed some of his scores in domestic cricket and there is nothing extraordinary about him. Or  we can try a new guy. No, I am not suggesting that we should make part time keepers like Rayudu or Utthapa to take up the gloves. It could be a fresh talent. I do not know how is Sreevats Goswami doing? All I am suggesting is we should make a change but keeping in mind the future.

As far as bowlers are concerned, the biggest issue is the lack of a quality spinner. What will make a big difference is the presence of a good leggie or a left arm spinner. Ojha is decent but inexperienced. Leggies like Mishra and Chawla have been disappointing. I like Rahul Sharma and I think if we persist with him, he could be a winner. We definitely need to find a good spinner and quickly.  

And we need to find a replacement of Zaheer pretty quickly as none of the others look good enough to fill those shoes. After Zaheer, PK is likely to spearhead the attack but he needs to avoid injuries. Early days but Umesh Yadav could be a choice. We need to find 1-2 good seamers.

So, there is a need for improvement and change in all the departments. No wonder we are performing so badly!!!

(Photograph Courtesy: FirstPost)