Reading this....

Wish Viru was in form...these days he carries a commode instead of his cricket kit. He shits in every match!!!

The biggest positive from India's tour to South Africa is undoubtedly Ajinkya Rahane. Well played lad!! Pujara, Kohli and Rahane are real test batsmen, in and outside the subcontinent. Vijay has the temperament as well. Others seem more suited to play on flat tracks. Jadeja is more suited to play on PlayStation.

The case against Devyani is not getting withdrawn and they are going ahead with prosecution. Its a pity that US doesnt play cricket; BCCI could have settled the matter by now.

Indian team's condition can be described in four words.....Law-Day-Luck-Gay!!!

Conversation between 2 Tendulkar Fans

Part of my conversation with my father a few days back;

Papa: News channels are saying that South Africa's 'Jacques' has announced his retirement from test cricket. Which Jacques this this?

Me: Jacques Kallis, who else?!!?

Papa: 

Me: Why?

Papa: That means Tendulkar's record of most test centuries and runs are safe for a while!!! (I could almost 'hear' his big grin on the other end)

Me: Yup. Now, he will play only one more test. Do you want him to score a century so that he leaves on a high?

Papa: Ya......now it does not matter.....

Papa: Actually NO!! What if he changes his mind afterwards!!!

Publicity Stunts!!

Arvind Kejriwal became the Chief Minister of Delhi. He took the oath today. Apparently, he travelled in Delhi Metro to reach the venue. Now that is new!! It goes with the image of his party. Today, I came across several people who were 'feeling proud' about this approach of the new CM. In my case, I am amused but not impressed. I find such stunts as marketing gimmicks than anything else.

Yes, if Kejriwal uses public transport on a daily basis then l will indeed be impressed. After all, it is easy to do something uncommon once. Politicians visit the homes of poor, lift naked, malnourished kids in their arms so regularly but only in front of cameras & media. Then how come this gimmick is any different?

Kejriwal's supporters are not ready to take & accept this argument. As per them, Kejriwal is setting an example & a trend. Any one calling this a 'publicity stunt' is being unfair.

The very same people called Rahul Gandhi's visit to a villager's home & having a meal there a publicity stunt. How come there are different parameters and rules for different people?

Now, some may argue that the difference between Rahul Gandhi's & Kejriwal's actions is that Rahul Gandhi did it during an election campaign and thus the intent is questionable. Valid Point. But Lok Sabha elections are 6 months away. Why should we not believe that Kejriwal is doing it to create publicity for himself & his party ahead of the General Elections?

Doing something like this for one day is neither going to change the traffic situation in NCR any better nor is it going to start a trend among the politicians.

Anyways, improvement in traffic situation is not one of the promises made by Arvind Kejriwal and his party. Keen to see how he would effectively provide 700 liters of free water to each household in Delhi, reduce to electricity tariff & bring in a Lokpal.

If he is unable to keep his promises and in the given time frame, will he encourage the people of Delhi to stop paying electricity and water bills? l doubt that. l guess now we will get to hear a lot of 'practical reasons'. Nothing wrong with that but they should have weighed in their promises before.

Lets wait and see how things progress in next few days/weeks/months - AAP aur hum.

Saturday Outing @ Mid Valley & Nando's

A letter to someone who I hope never reads it

Dear Teacher,

I came across your picture somewhere and I must say, I was relieved. Things did not end on the right note. Things could have been better or at least could have been handled better. But I could not do that and that haunts me.

There was no fault of yours. Absolutely none. In fact you were so good that I got scared that I may hurt you if it goes on. You may be holding a grudge against me and I cannot blame you for that. I deserve it. But I hope you understand that I did not have any bad intentions. We did not even meet during the period.

I remember how we first talked in that phase. I called you and I do not know why. There was no reason for that call. I was going through a bad phase and I just wanted to talk to someone. I used to call random people in my contact list because I needed to stop myself from drifting away. We talked and somehow instantly connected. That was not the first time we were talking but that was indeed the first time that we truly connected. I always liked you and I still do. But now more, in a respectful and caring way. 

Whenever I think about that phase, multiple emotions come into my mind. I find the whole phase strange as two people started talking after so many years and connected so well. I was talking and listening and you were doing the same. Some may say that whats unique about that. But do we really talk and listen to people around us. I do not think so, unless we like the person and find some kind of connect in the situation, thought process, mental state etc. I talked to you and shared my woes. I listened to your problems and truly cared about you. You did the same. I believe that we truly needed each other at that time and we did help each other. But that scared me as well.

I do not open up to people very often but if I connect with someone, I share my thoughts and emotions quite easily... and sometimes I do that without giving proper thought to it. I liked you, I liked talking to you but I had never thought of the future. But you started doing that. Not blaming you for that at all. After all, that was the obvious thing to do. I would not say that I was shocked by the topic when it first came up but it made me think. 

I was just not sure at that time. I was liking the phase but I was not sure about the next steps. It was more of a 'May Be' than a clear-cut 'Yes' or 'No'. I was thinking about it and believe me, I was preparing myself. After all, I was liking our bond and knew that things would not be 'too bad'. However, I wanted to be 100% sure before jumping to some kind of futuristic move. 

You did not know about my dilemma as that was probably the only thing that I was not sharing with you. I was confident that I would be able to get past the dilemma and things would be fine again. And, you were not pressurizing me in any manner. It is not that there was an urgency to make a move. Things were going on as usual but I wanted to make up my mind sooner than later as I did not want to hurt you at a later stage. It may sound difficult to believe but it is true.

Then , something happened during that period. Something important to your family. And the development was going to ease a lot of pressure on you. I was happy for you and your family. However, I noticed that you started 'investing' more in that development than you should have. I pointed that out and I was taken aback by the answer. You mentioned that you do not want anything for yourself as you have me on your side. I was not ready for that. I was too confused in that stage to commit to that. I became nervous. It is not that I was running away from a relationship, it is just that I was not sure about the future of the relationship at that moment. Taking the relationship further would have involved similar kind of issues that I had gone through along with my family, not too long ago. I was not prepared for that but was indeed preparing myself for that.

However, now I was required to make a decision quickly as you were about to make huge decisions. It would have been disastrous if I backed the decisions and later backed-out of the relationship. I did not want to put you in that situation. After all, it was not a fling. I truly liked you and cared about you. I had to make a decision quickly and I did. But I did not execute it in as sensitive manner as the situation and our bond demanded. I did not have the courage to explain it to you through a mature conversation. I did try but I was not as honest about the reasons as I should have and was putting the blame elsewhere. You, of course, were still being supportive and that was making it even more difficult. Finally, I decided that I should cut off the ties as otherwise both of us would suffer. 

I mentioned earlier that whenever I think about that phase, multiple emotions come into my mind. Often, it brings a smile on my face as it was something truly special. The phase included pure 'selfless' romance. We did need each other but we cared about each other more than we cared about ourselves and our needs. However, more than the positive emotions, it brings negative emotions. Of course, for myself. I feel like a coward. I feel ashamed. I feel disgusted with myself. I did not behave like a good person and that haunts me. It is truly one of the biggest regrets of my life. What hurts and haunts me most is the thought that I probably did the same to you what another person did to me. Though there is a big difference. I was not being selfish while making the decision and I know that. Yet, I did not explain things to you in a decent manner and probably made you hope and wait for my call. I am truly sorry for that. 

At the same time, I would be honest and say that it is not that I miss you. I am in a committed relationship now and I am very happy in that relationship. I have moved on and so have you. However, as I mentioned earlier, I do think about those days and that phase. They haunt me and constantly remind me of the mistakes I made. I think about the phase and pray for your well-being. 

And then I saw your picture. You looked happy and good. And that made me feel extremely happy and relieved. It is not that I was expecting you to be in a depressed and distraught state even after so many years. Nothing like that; I do know that I am not that important. But I do know that such things leave a scar and a bad taste. I have gone through it myself and I can understand. I hope I am different & wrong and you no longer think about that phase at all. All these years, I have always hoped to get the news that you are happy in your life and now, I finally know that and I am so happy for you.

I wish I could say sorry to you in person. But I do not 'seek' that opportunity. You have moved on and you are happy. I do not want the bad taste to come back in your life even for a moment. I do wish we could be friends though. 

I would always pray for your happiness. God bless you!!!

Harsha on Kambli

A very well-written piece by Harsha Bhogle on Vinod Kambli...straight from the heart....

I notice Vinod Kambli was rushed to hospital last week. It was a different Kambli from the person I knew. I found myself wishing for his health but increasingly when it became clear that he would be fine I found myself wishing for some stability in his life. I don't know if he seeks it but it has dodged him for a long time now. If there is a God, He drove a hard bargain with him; gave him the kind of talent others crave for but took away a lot of the skills you need to make the most of the talent.

Kambli didn't become the cricketer he could have been, and that's all right, very few do anyway, but increasingly in a mad search for attention, he became a caricature. He isn't alone there either. Kambli these days is an example of what fleeting fame can do. It takes away the high but leaves you lusting for it. And this search has seen him put his finger on a self-destruct button and, sad to say, keep it permanently pressed. He makes the news for the wrong reasons and there is a large part of me that wants him to turn his back on the present and re-enter a world where he has a lot of goodwill; where people remember him with a warm smile; not just for the runs he once made but for the disarming guy you had no option but to like.

The Vinod I so grew to like had an amazing story to tell. Of carrying a kit bag bigger than him, of lugging it into the compartment where the fisherwomen sat because he couldn't get space otherwise and, telling this himself with a laugh, of smelling of fish for the rest of the day! It should have been the story to beat all stories; of how an extraordinarily gifted young man fought the odds, struggled his way through, endured many many hardships to play for Bombay and then, so dramatically, for India.

The Vinod I knew could be disarming. He could play a prank on you and you would laugh with him. He could tell you a story and move you. And he could use his feet against spin better than anyone else you could see. Before his first ball in first class cricket he asked the batsman at the other end, the captain of Bombay Dilip Vengsarkar, what he should do. 'Play your natural game' he was told, as he should have been. "Okay" he said and hit the first ball back over the bowler's head for six. The captain walked up to him, his mouth wide open and he said to him "But you told me to play my natural game.."

Story of two boys

This should have been the story of two children, two boys, who would rule the world and be like two brothers. In 1993, among many odd things I did, I produced an album of cricket songs and one of them was set to the tune of "yeh dosti hum nahi todenge." and the words were "main hoon sachin aur yeh kambli..." They were such friends. I once dragged them into a recording studio and they wouldn't stop chatting. Even when one took the elevator and the other the stairs, that friendship didn't change. You just had to like Vinod.

But as success brings much happiness, it introduces you to other dangers that some are able to keep at arm's length and to which many, sadly, succumb to. Vinod starting getting trapped in an image. He wanted to live life kingsize, as the cigarette ads used to say, and I fear there was either no one to stop him hurtling down that path or he chose to disregard them. Vinod was enjoying the fruits of his success, richly deserved and something he had worked very very hard for, but I wonder, and I am not certain of this, if that became more important than his cricket. It didn't help that once the West Indies had bounced him out in 1994, he wasn't the same player. Before that series his scores in test cricket read 16, 18*, 59, 224, 227, 125, 4, 120, 5, 82, 57. Post, and during, the bouncer barrage he managed 40, 0, 0, 6, 18, 0, 27 and 28. That, in sum, was his test career.

You might think he deserved more opportunities but within a year of his last innings, Dravid, Ganguly and Laxman had arrived and there just wasn't the same consistency, even in limited overs cricket, where he had an off-on engagement till 2000. He was battling injuries too (his ankle tear in 1998 had to be the most terrible you would ever see) but even more than that he was battling himself.

He has made some poor choices, especially on television, where he has been ruthlessly exploited.

Television is nobody's friend, it seeks the headline, elevates the person producing it and consigns him as soon as he is no longer needed. Each time, I suspect, Kambli thought there was a future beckoning. But in the kind of programmes he was enticed into, there is no future. There cannot be any in the peddling of morbidity. This was not about Vinod, the lovable clown, this was about Kambli projected as a has-been trying to cling on to a friendship that others were seeking to benefit from. He couldn't see that.

He didn't have the skill or maybe he didn't want to see it. Everybody who played cricket with Vinod has a lovely story to tell about him. I don't know if they have reached out to him or whether Kambli today has been engulfed by demons that they believe are beyond redemption.

But I hope there is another twist to his story, another sunrise.

If Kambli is willing to keep the foes within him away, he will discover that Vinod has a lot of goodwill left.

Thank You Long Hours @#$%^&*(

Down-to-Earth

Trip to Ranchi Zoo

Saadhvi Ananya

Ananya Learning center

MRI revealed that I do have a brain....and I do not have a clot in it!!!

Reached Ranchi on 14th December.  So far it does not feel like that I am on a break. With so many health issues troubling me and with so many doctor visits and tests in store, it feels like am in a hospital only....waiting for the next doctor/test.

Right now, am sitting in a clinic. There are three tests scheduled for today. Two of them are critical.  Both MRIs. Am hoping that nothing serious comes out of the tests. Doctors are not expecting anything major. But it's difficult to trust the doctors. Sometimes they do not know and sometimes they do not want to say anything before the tests. So anxiously waiting for the tests and results. Worried.

Bharat Vasiyon....milte hain...........

hmmmph!!!!

Done dana done done!!! Finally the project is over. Yes the client can (and will) come back with follow-ups but for now.......DONE!!!

I do not understand Malay....if you slow it down for me and speak to me as if I am a retard....it is still not going to work!!!

Inching towards the India trip.....cannot wait. First I need to get past a final deliverable and few meetings

Lost and Found

It was a taxing day yesterday. Got a news in the morning that my car has been stolen!!! It is with my sister in Bangalore. She parked it near her office and did not find it there in the evening. She checked with the cops if it had been towed away for some reason but they said no.

Then started the process of going through the fine prints of the insurance policy. The vehicle was covered fully and (but) would have fetched less than half its original price. It is an old car and would not have got a better price anyways. However, we were not planning to sell it off. It has an emotional connect and I do not plan to sell it off ever. We call it a 'Genie', as it takes us wherever we want. I was heartbroken and was also feeling bad for my sister. She was crying on the phone and she was the one who had to run around police stations - never a pleasant experience.

Then came the good news. Someone had seen the car getting towed away. The cops were approached again. And this time they located the car with the traffic cops!!! No message or mark was left as the spot from where the vehicle was picked. And it was not even showing in their records. But its okay. As long as the genie is still with us!!! I think genie did it purposely. I have not seen the car in last ~2.5 years and we keep talking about buying another car when we go back to India. We must have hurt its feelings and it reminded us its value!!!

I cannot explain this but this video...this voice....makes me very emotional. Every single time!!! 

AAP aur Hum

I must say that the more I hear Arvind Kejriwal, the more impressed I get. He comes across as a simple man with big ideas and big dreams. He seems passionate and he does seem to care about the nation's interests. However, I am still not convinced to vote for AAP. Following are some of my key apprehensions;

1. Apart from Kejriwal, I do not know most people in AAP. That is understandable as they are first-timers and 'yet to make any news'. However, a lot of them come across as pretty naive with the Panchtantra type ideas
2. The promises of AAP seem unrealistic. I do not think that they can give 700 liters of free water, electricity at reduced rates etc. without causing severe impact on the treasury
3. A convicted maoist leader is part of the core team
4. One of the founding members, Prashant Bhushan opines that Kashmir issue should be decided based on the people's opinion. Which people are we talking about over here? What about the thousands of Kashmiri Pandits that were forced to flee from the state? In their absence, won't the opinion be biased? What about the soldiers who have died protecting the borders? All that does not matter, isn't it Mr. Bhushan?
5. Then there are some larger issues. I do not think that AAP has the people and resources to win at the national level, at least at this stage. In Delhi, they fielded candidates on every seat (70). They cannot have similar strategy at the national level as that would mean fielding around 550 candidates!!! That is just impossible and no party is able to do that. Moreover, the amount of resources they would need to campaign at the national level is unimaginable. Lastly, another resource that they are short of is 'time'. There is simply no time left before the general elections. So, if they cannot contest a 'serious election' at the national level this time around, they will only cause harm to the chances of BJP and Narendra Modi. They may just divide the seats and in turn, help Congress or a third-front. A lot of people may have reservations against BJP and Modi but they need to ask themselves if they are okay with another term of Congress? Or will they be okay if Mulayam Singh Yadav or Mayawati or Mamta Banerjee becomes the PM? If the answer is yes, they need mental treatment. Period. More than anyone becoming the PM, I do not want Congress or a joker from a third-front to become the PM. I want them to be ruled-out first. And, I honestly believe that, for that to happen, BJP is the safest bet. They have a national presence and they have alliances. They can give a strong fight to Congress at the national level. It may sound like a short-term strategy but, no matter how good they are, voting for AAP in the general election is not a good solution. As it would only help Congress. The country cannot sustain another term of Congress. And even if BJP manages to come into power, it needs two things to be able to make an impact. (A) strength in parliament and for that they would need as many MPs as possible and (B) the governance style of Narendra Modi. If BJP does not manage a clear majority (and there is a high possibility of that), they would be toothless and they would not have Narendra Modi at the helm, even if they manage to form a government with support from other parties. So, it needs to be approached like a game of chess. You have to lose some pawns to be able to make a serious attack. If you feel that AAP would be able to form a government at the national level in 2014, vote for them in the next general elections. But if you do not think that is possible, vote for the 'next best' alternative. In my case, I do not believe in AAP as yet and I have more faith in Narendra Modi (not BJP) and some of the other leaders in BJP (Swamy, Swaraj, Jaitley). So I am clear about my choice
6. Dhoni is a great cricket captain and leader. He arrived on the international scene with a bang scoring a magnificent 148 against Pakistan. He soon followed it up with a 183 against Srilanka. Did he become the captain immediately? No!!! Virat Kohli is a great batsman and is making a huge impact especially in limited overs cricket. He first became a news when he led the Under-19 side to a world cup victory in Kuala Lumpur. Was he selected immediately in the national side and made a captain? No. Before you start thinking that I have mixed up two blog posts, the point that I am trying to make is AAP may have had a strong debut. And they may be showing a lot of potential. But does that mean that we should make them the captain straightaway? I do not agree. Let them prove their mettle and show their class first. I would be happy to make a more informed decision at a later stage!!!

BJP daring Kejriwal to form a government in Delhi with the help of Congress!!! I don't think the fish will take the bait :)

AAP has got off to a phenomenal start. And I am surprised by how their secret admirers have suddenly found voices. A lot of them have cropped up around me as well. And they have been preaching me to support AAP instead. And I sit through such sessions with a Gautam Buddha like smile.

No, I still support NaMo. Let AAP do something worthwhile first.

Chadhti thhi uss mazaar par, chaadarein beshumaar,

aur baahar baitha ek phakir, sardi se marr gaya.....

Weedabloo maata ka jagraata hai.....again :(

Indeed a very strong debut by Aam Aadmi Party. They have made a huge impact in the Delhi assembly elections. Media proceedings indicate that most people were not expecting such a strong performance from the first timers. 

However I, on the other part, was worried that they may have a 'stronger' performance and dent the chances of BJP at the state and national level. This to me is the most healthy outcome. 

Congress has been washed out and that was the priority number one. BJP, in all likelihood, would form a government in Delhi and that was priority number two. I was and still am not too sure about AAP as a whole. But they did have my benefit of doubt. I did not want them to win but they deserved a stronger voice. This result will give them just that. They will be the main opposition party in Delhi and would have a strong say. It would be great to see which way they go.

Pappu to Sheila: "Defeat is a state of mind"

Sheila to Pappu: "Chup *******, right now my mind is in a state of defeat"

Jail Break

I get 16 days leave a year and around the same number of days as sick leave. Even Sanjay Dutt, who is serving a jail sentence, is getting better deal!!! Whole month of October and now whole month of December!!! Awesome!!! I guess Salman Khan would now accept his guilt and check into Yerwada Recreational Resort!!!

India's tour to South Africa finally started. Due to a lot of off-field drama, there were dark clouds over the entire tour. Board-level politics at at both ends almost cancelled the tour but finally resulted in a delayed and shortened tour. That's okay, as long as the cricket lovers in both countries can witness some high level cricket. Well...that is/was the expectation.

The first one-day ended few hours back. Due to the time difference between South Africa and Malaysia, it was difficult to watch the entire match....especially with the current workload in office. Though l decided to take some much needed rest, the match was pretty much on the mind. l woke up at 4 am to check the score/result. l wish I had not!!

What a disastrous start of the tour. India lost by 141 runs!! That is a massive defeat. More than the margin of defeat, what is disappointing is the performance of our bowlers. So much was expected of our pacers but apart from Shami Ahmed, the others were pretty disappointing. There are so much expectations from Bhuvaneswar Kumar. l did not watch the match but analysts indicate that he bowled in wrong areas. I hope the pacers get used to pace and bounce in South Africa quickly. In any case, there are other seam bowling options available though one of them is Ishant Sharma.

Two other disappointing factors are (a) the ineffectiveness of spinners. Aswin and Jadeja did not get much purchase from the track and (b) performance of Yuvraj Singh.

Yuvraj Singh is a champion cricketer but is clearly struggling. It is okay if the team persists with him but that would be unfair to some other players who are waiting for a chance. 

India is going to miss a fast (or medium pace) bowling all-rounder. Irfan Pathan is injured (he always is) and there are not many options. Jadeja is useful but is he going to be as useful in these conditions? That is a question that needs to be answered. He is not a great batsman at the spot he bats on. He comes there as he is a better batsman (arguably) than Aswin. Indian selectors could have tried someone else for this tour. There are not many options available but someone like Abhishek Nayar (though I hate it for 'do not why') could have been tested. Nayar has been having a good time with the bat and ball. In one of the practice matches against West Indies, he took more wickets than the front line bowlers, which included Zaheer Khan. Then there is Rajat Bhatia, who is more of a military medium but is an intelligent bowler. And his batting is not worse that Jadeja. 

The team has to work with the available options and I hope they come up with better shows in next matches. One-dayers do not matter that much, I am excited about the test matches :)

Manmohan Singh to Tara Singh

"No possibility of Pakistan winning a war against India in my lifetime" - PM Manmohan Singh

Yeh paaji ke andar ka Sunny Deol kaise jaag gaya!!!! I know aisi koi khaas statement nahi hai but MaunMohan ne statement di woh kya kam hai.

And if Raul had attempted this statement, it would have been like;

"No possibility of....ahmm...wait a second....I lost my paper.....ya....no possibility of...East India Company.....no....India....winning a war against.....Narendra Modi.....in my dadi's lifetime"!!!

Why can't a smartphone give a warning like......'Don't delete this folder, nahi to aapke phone ki batti lag jaayegi'??? :(

My candidate lost :(

I helped him with the slides but ultimately he had to deliver. He was appreciated for the slides but was not allowed to finish as he took way more time. Now I understand how coaches feel when their teams lose. But I have to come up with some motivational crap as the guy is depressed. I do feel for the guy as he did put a good effort.

Kaamdev ki badi kripa hai mujh par aaj kal....and unfortunately, I mean 'Work God'!!!

Dilli waalon....don't let the nation down. Don't go by what your friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbors, media, political parties, opinion polls,  etc are telling you. Some may suggest AAP....most may suggest BJP. Its YOUR vote. Use your best judgement....and vote for BJP. Simple!!!

ICC ODI team of the year does not have Virat Kohli in it!!!!! Ab kya ladka jaan de de??

Went well :)

This is going to be interesting. A presentation scheduled for tomorrow evening has been pulled forward and now starts in sometime!!!! I am totally unprepared as I had planned to go through the deck tomorrow. The other option was to postpone the presentation but that was not feasible. So now.....jo hoga so hoga!!!

Bangladesh buying submarines!!! Coming soon in Bay of 'Bengal'adesh!!!

Bliss

Its interesting to read old blog posts (my own). It just shows how the thinking, opinion, perception and impressions evolve with time. I found a lot of blog posts very surprising. Now I do not think like that and I do not agree with a lot of things that 'me of the past' has expressed. A few years down the lane, I will read blog posts of this year and smile/laugh. :)

This is from a student that I am mentoring for a case study challenge :)

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr Animesh,

I have read your slide and I feel nothing I want to change anymore. The slides look so much better and so perfect. I really appreciate your help, support and guidance. 

Awfully Indebted,

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Lost a good part of the day due to severe headache and nausea. Cannot afford this to happen again...till 13th December. The deadline is staring at me and I am getting panicky now. Too many things to take care of and there is so little time. Hmmph!!!

The son in me is happy as my father needed to spend sometime with his grand daughter.

The husband in me is happy as my wife needed a break.

But the father in me is sad and depressed as it is painful to be without my daughter.

Scores of 70, 62 (limited overs) and 213, 81, 52, 8, 69, 132 and 12 in the last 9 innings. This guy deserves a look in. I understand that there is no place in the national team at this stage but cannot believe that this guy is overlooked for India-A and practice matches as well. 

You have it in you and you have started to show a lot of consistency. Keep up the good work and the opportunity would come knocking. All the best. 

Sometimes I feel your presence. Sometimes I think you are still around. You know that I want to talk to you. And I do talk to you. Sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly (just in case you are here and listening). 

I look back at our relationship. I miss my childhood when you were my best friend. I miss those days when I was still 'unaware'. You know that I loved you so much.

Things changed. I grew up. Certain relationships start losing the same meaning with age. People start to drift apart as they get closer to others. But that was not the only reason. In my case, I grew up and started understanding a lot of things. And I started having my own opinion rather than allowing others (often you) to shape one for me. Things started to change then.

Looking back, I am thankful for how you treated me. I could not have asked for more. No one has ever got more. And I am glad that I told you that on multiple occasions. I also told you why I am no longer the same 'Vinayee'. I told you that I love you for all you did for me but there are reasons, which unfortunately I cannot overlook, that make me dislike you as well. 

I want to talk to you. But I do not have anything new to say. I have already shared with you everything so many times. It is just that, this time I want to say the same things while holding your hand.....while hugging you. 

I wish you had never loved me. I wish you were mean to me. As that would have made things easy and simpler. But now it is not. I wish I had called you more often. Now, I feel so helpless. And you were right when you said;

.....Jab hum na honge to ro ro ke duniya, dhoondhegi mere nishaan.......

I am sorry for hurting you and not being the same Vinayee.