On Respect, Recognition, Biasedness and Overreaction

Recently, I came across clippings from a television interview of Mary Kom on 'Aap Ki Adalat with Rajat Sharma'. The interview attracted widespread criticism, largely due to the tone she adopted and certain remarks she made while speaking about her ex-husband. As someone who has long admired Mary Kom, I found the interview deeply disappointing.

Mary Kom’s achievements need no reiteration. She is one of the most accomplished athletes in Indian sporting history: a six-time World Amateur Boxing Champion, an Olympic bronze medalist, Asian Games and Commonwealth Games gold medalist, and a recipient of India’s highest sporting and civilian honors, including the Padma Bhushan, Padma Shri, Rajiv Gandhi Khel Ratna, and Arjuna Award. Beyond boxing, she has served as a Member of Parliament and is widely regarded as a pioneering figure who helped bring visibility and acceptance to women’s boxing in India. 

Several of Mary Kom’s major awards and victories came after she became a mother, and this is widely regarded as one of the most remarkable aspects of her career. Her journey from humble beginnings in Manipur to global sporting acclaim is inspiring enough to have warranted a biographical film. I have been a big fan of Kom.

It is precisely because of this stature that her remarks felt jarring. Publicly discussing personal disputes is rarely dignified, and in this case, it seemed unnecessary. More troubling was the manner in which she questioned her ex-husband’s role and contribution, making statements along the lines of “what kind of man lives off a woman’s money,” alleging that he withdrew money without her consent, and mentioning that he never had a successful career. These remarks were tasteless.

One could argue that this was a case of being caught off guard by the media. People who are not media savvy, can get sucked into a drain in front of cameras. Television seeks headlines and can exploit personalities; Mary Kom did seem to have been drawn into that trap, which did not favor her long-term reputation. However, after watching the clips, it is difficult to attribute everything to lack of media training. The remarks did not seem accidental; they appeared to reflect genuine beliefs. There seemed to be a clear lack of respect for her ex-husband as he did not earn much and, during their marriage, remained dependent on her earnings.

The videos and comments of Mary Kom triggered several thoughts and emotions. For example, it immediately reminded me of a remark made by actor and stand-up comedian Chris Rock that “Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provide something.”

It also raised a hypothetical question. What if the comment was made by a successful man for his wife who, quit her job and set aside her passions to take care of home and children? What if the man had said that his wife was not successful and had belittled her contribution? What if the man had questioned her for withdrawing money or spending money without his permission?

All hell would have broken loose. The backlash would have been swift and severe, ...and rightly so.

This also brought to mind a personal anecdote involving two people I know. One of them is an entrepreneur - intelligent, driven, and successful. After a strong career in financial services, she pivoted to start her own business, which is now doing well and receiving media attention. She is married to someone I know, and both are part of a common WhatsApp group. Lets just call her - Sierra Kilo.

On one occasion, Sierra Kilo shared a news item or media coverage related to her business in the WhatsApp group. It naturally triggered a wave of congratulatory messages. Everyone applauded her success. One member of the group – the second character in this anecdote – congratulated her 'and her husband' in his message. In my view, it was a jovial, light-hearted, and seemingly harmless comment, likely sent out of courtesy since Sierra Kilo's husband is also a member of the group...though it certainly could have been avoided.

He referred to the husband as a “sleeping partner,” which, in my interpretation, served a dual purpose: to include the husband and at the same time, not take anything away from Sierra Kilo. I DO NOT believe the term was used in a formal business sense (Sleeping partner (also called silent partner) refers to a person who invests capital in a business but does not take part in its day-to-day operations or management). She, however, did not appreciate the message and objected on the WhatsApp group, clarifying that the business is a 'sole proprietorship'; she is the 'only Founder' and she runs it 'single-handedly'. 

It did not need clarification but its okay.

However, the matter did not end there. She subsequently wrote a 200+ word LinkedIn post on the subject. In it, she questioned why, when a woman entrepreneur succeeds, people say, “Congratulations to you and your husband.” She questioned why “educated, well-meaning individuals struggle to fully acknowledge a woman’s independent professional journey?”. In her words, “I was taken aback. But only briefly. Because, truth be told, this isn’t new. So I did what I always do – tuned out the noise, focused on the work, and kept going.”

The post got some ‘Likes’ and supportive comments, predominantly from women.

I found the <over>reaction immature, over-the-top and reflective of a tendency to frame the situation through a victimhood lens, while simultaneously projecting an image of being brave and unfazed.

What about the common phrase men have heard for generations: “Behind every successful man, there is a woman”. This has been said about business leaders, sportsmen, and almost every man 'who made it'...if he had a female partner. It has even been suggested that gallantry award winners from the military could fight for the country as there was a woman taking care of the home. How many men have posted about it and tried to play the ‘Victim Card’? How many say that why are you taking some credit away?

I feel that whenever it is said that “Behind every successful man, there is a woman”, it is meant as a compliment for the woman, acknowledging their emotional, domestic, or logistical support. I admit it is a big support and must be acknowledged. That is why, most logical men would never take offence, whenever they hear this.

This brings the discussion back to Mary Kom. Was her husband not providing similar support? I cannot claim personal knowledge of their marriage, but in several earlier interviews, Mary Kom herself openly credited her husband, Onler Kom, for standing by her, managing the household, and caring for their children while she trained and competed. She had repeatedly said she could not have achieved what she did without his support.

Why, then, does that support no longer merit acknowledgment? Is it because they are no longer together? Because the gap in their public and financial stature has widened? Or because personal grievances have reshaped her perception of his role? Whatever the reason, it appears that she is no longer comfortable sharing even a fraction of the credit she once willingly attributed to him. That is entirely up to her but she has no business mocking him in front of millions.

Let me make it very clear that the intention of the post is not to bash women (yeah right...too little too late) but I admit that I am getting dangerously close to that territory. I am just sharing my views on avoiding over-reactions, acknowledging your partner (if and wherever possible), being respectful and .....not having the 'Feminism ka Suleimaani Keeda'. (Oh no! I was this close to de-escalating the situation and I screwed up again!!)

On a serious note, my observations are not about any particular gender; I fully acknowledge that men are often insensitive and frequently discount women’s contributions, at times quite blatantly. Another real-life example illustrates this, involving people I know (examples, it seems, are closer than we often think).

A woman I know is married into a family that appears to be well-off (not certain as I am yet to ask them for their bank statements). They are into several businesses - including a two-wheeler dealership, possibly with multiple outlets. She and her husband slogged their asses off to establish and grow the two-wheeler business. While it may have appeared to several people (or they assume) that the husband has done everything, I know for a fact that she also managed several aspects of the business along with managing home and kids. I am not alien to the automotive industry and I had several discussions with her and was always impressed by her understanding and inquisitiveness. They were also planning to expand into a four-wheeler business, and both devoted immense effort over the years to make it happen.

Despite her relentless work and juggling of responsibilities, which included businesses, home, children, husband’s health, in-laws, another person (I know him too) repeatedly made disrespectful remarks. He would often suggest that she is all set, what does she have to worry about, she can chill and enjoy the fruits of her husband’s hard work and enjoy his wealth. 

Highly insensitive (Buddy, you make all of us look bad). In this case, a question similar to the one asked by Sierra Kilo - why educated, well-meaning individuals struggle to acknowledge a woman’s hard work - is entirely valid.

So, stupidity clearly has no gender.

Anyways, much has been said already. Ultimately, this discussion is not about taking sides or keeping score. Contributions, whether professional, emotional, domestic, or logistical, should neither be belittled nor exaggerated to suit a narrative. Acknowledging a partner’s support should not feel like a dilution of one’s own achievement. Genuine insensitivity should be called out but at the same time, if you do not like a comment, do not over-react turn it into a public outrage. 

The real maturity lies in balance: recognizing effort and support where it exists, calling out bias where it is real, and resisting the urge to turn every imperfect interaction into a larger battle.

(NOTE: If you are curious about how the individuals in the two anecdotes responded, here is what followed. The man in the first instance chose not to react to Sierra Kilo’s response; he was taken aback but decided to let it pass. In contrast, the woman in the second instance addressed the remark directly and firmly at an appropriate moment. She is no abla naari - in fact she is quite the opposite - which is precisely why I fondly refer to her as Jwaala Daaku!!)

हमें कहना चाहिए था, 

मगर हम कह न सके....

उन्हें भी तो समझना चाहिए था, 

मगर वो समझ न सके...

Dear Romeo Alpha Mike

Dear Romeo Alpha Mike,

I recently left Foxtrot and Sierra after spending over 7.5 years. I thoroughly enjoyed my stint there - except the last few months. It is indeed going through some turbulence and require several changes. Honestly, I was excited about your vision - even though your first mail sent massive shock waves!!! :) 

I felt that you would be able to do the much needed course correction. Naturally, I was surprised and shocked when I heard about your exit. Based on my interactions with stakeholders (though the sample is neither statistically significant nor representative),  I can say that they had high expectations from you and they felt confused later on. Your blogs/articles suggest that things were not handled in a professional manner. 

I wish the organization could benefit from your vision and leadership. And I wish you all the best!! 

Regards, 

Alpha Kilo

Flirting For Benefits

There is this company that I know pretty well. I know several people who have worked over there or are currently employed with the company. It is a global company with offices in several countries (more than 40) across the globe. Though it has a decent name in the industry it operates in, I have heard there are several internal issues. Some people have all the power and they are running the company as a family run business. Well, that is not the reason why I wrote this blog.

I have heard that some key people in the management are known to flirt with women and they shower certain women employees with benefits. These benefits include promotions, increments, opportunities to travel abroad and so on. I have also heard that some women employees have had a unbelievably fast growth trajectory. There is a particular female in the India office; as per some of the people in senior leadership, she has slept her way to an important position in the organization. All this is widely discussed - I am surprised that it neither bothers those people in the top management nor those women employees!! It is extremely unethical and for an old school person like me, it is absolutely disgusting. Well, that is ALSO not the reason why I wrote this blog.

I came to know that one woman employee - who is widely believed to have benefited from these practices - recently acknowledged it. Apparently, she told 2 other employees that it is the fastest way to grow in the company. As per her, the management is full of old lustful men and one can get several benefits by flirting with them or giving them 'some freedom'!!! One of the other female employees - who was part of the conversation - acknowledged it and called her boss a disgusting pervert. For some reason, this brought a smile on my face. I am certainly not under any kind of delusion that it would change such men - at least in that company. May be I smiled because more people came to know about the disgusting practices. May be I smiled because at least these women know what they are doing. May be I smiled because no matter what these men think of themselves, most employees think of them as old, sleazy, lustful, perverted men. And this is the reason why I wrote this blog!!!

Closed Chapter; Now A New One

Ended a long chapter of my life. The journey was mostly enjoyable. Nothing special but for the most part, it was fulfilling. Made some poor decisions. Or may be I am being hard on myself. Lets just say that I went against my own principles on one occasion. It was not a stupid mistake. Like always, choices were there and neither were absolutely clear. I chose to play it 'safe'. Did not know the pitfalls. Things started taking a bad turn. Its all behind me now. Chose to move on.

The new chapter should be interesting as well as challenging. Have mixed feelings about it. But I am determined to do whatever it takes. Lets see. 

Trust???

When he put down his papers, the HR told him that the company would hold to 1.5 months salary, "as per company policy". When pointed that the policy is for 1 month, the HR representative asked to "trust the company". 

You are holding on to salary, you have held back variable component, you have blocked sites like Gmail, LinkedIn etc., you have blocked USB drives and you are asking about trust!!!???!!! Hilarious!!!

Corporate Lessons from 'Titanic'

Situation - There is this company, which is not in a very healthy state. Most of the senior leadership acknowledges that without significant efforts and infusion of capital, the company would be in "big trouble". Employees are worried.

Advise to employees from someone in the Senior Management (lets call this person 'Victor Victor') -

1. Titanic (i.e., the Company) has hit an iceberg. It cannot be fixed by people (i.e., employees) on board
2. There are few options available to passengers and crew members (i.e., employees)
3. Option 1: Wait for someone knowledgeable and resourceful (i.e., investor) to come and fix the ship
4. Option 2: Wait for a big ship (i.e., a large firm in the same domain) and rescue (i.e., hire) you
5. Option 3: Wait for a small boat (i.e., a small firm in the same domain) and rescue (i.e., hire) you
6. Option 4: You have the option of jumping in the water (i.e., leave without a job or leave for a company that does not do justice to your experience, profile etc.). Don't jump in water!!!

Great analogy and all very good suggestions from 'Victor Victor'.

But don't forget.....the ship is still sinking!!! 

Don't wait for too long. Find that threshold beyond which jumping in water and trying to stay afloat is a better option. Else the ship would sink and will take you down with it.

Legal Battle: Team A vs Team B

Team A presented some 'facts'. Charges were found to be partially incorrect and were shot down by Team B as well as some neutral eye-witnesses. 

As per Team A, Team B has been making false allegations. That claim could not be verified.

As per Team A, Team B has been using unparliamentary language. Team B is found guilty.

As per Team B, Team A has always lied. That claim could not be verified.

As per Team B, Team A has always used Team B. That claim could not be verified.

As per neutral eye-witnesses, Team A could have avoided the situation.

-----------------------------------------------

Based on all the facts presented in the case, this self-appointed judge makes the following observations. 

• Team A should avoid such situations
• Team B should try not to overreact
• If there is a dispute in future, Team A and B must try NOT to create a scene in front of others
• Team A and B are rarely on the same page and are rarely cordial. They should steer clear of each other
• Beyond this, the judge does not give a f**k!!!

We met again. Well....not really 'met' but we came together (with several others) on a social media platform. 

I never expected that we will ever be in touch again. All these years, I hoped that you are doing well. It seems you are and I am glad. 

All these years, I thought that if our paths ever cross again, I would apologize. I also thought that it would be really awkward. But I am surprised how calm and normal things have been. That is really mature of you. 

We do not talk to each other and I completely understand that. After all that, I do not expect friendship between us. I have nothing to say except sorry. 

I am glad that you are okay....and happy. There was a lot going on in your life back then and it was overwhelming for you. I would like to believe that you are past those issues. Keep smiling and take care. 

A Special Teacher

Today is Teachers' Day in India. The day always remind me of a 'person', who I used to refer as 'Teacher'. It was not a random name and there are reasons behind it but let us not go there.

I have known the person for close to 24 years. We used to talk to each other, we use to like each other but we were not 'friends'. Our talks mostly revolved around others. Later, for a long period, we lost touch. We were never good friends so neither of us really made an attempt to contact the other.

It was around 10 years back that I contacted the person. I needed to get some details from the person. Nothing else. I was not really looking to have a friendship. Though, it was a phase in which I was not doing too well emotionally and I used to look for opportunities to talk to people just to avoid my own company. When we talked, we struck a chord. Or may be I should say that I liked talking to the person. The person was also not doing too well and we found each other. We used to talk and support each other. There was nothing anyone could do about my situation and I just needed to talk to someone. In case of the person, there were several issues and I would like to believe that I helped in keeping the chin up. At least that is what the person suggested.

We became close and we started talking for hours every day. I was liking it and so was that person. But then, things fell apart. We could not remain friends and all because of me. I abruptly stopped talking to the person and I know that I caused a lot of pain. But I did not mean to. I did what I did partly because I did not want to cause a bigger pain later.

Now, we are not in touch. I know where the person is. I do not know whether my whereabouts are known to the person or not. I truly cared and I still do. I wish the person the best in life.

I wish that we could remain friends. I wish that we can become friends again. Not close ones but just friends. I wish that I can explain to the person that I care and I am sorry. I wish that I can refer to the person as 'friend' or 'teacher' and not as 'person'. 

I am sorry my friend. I hope you always do well. Wish you the best.

A Management Consultant Wonders

"You focus too much on execution and quality".

He wondered if this is a bad attribute. After all, it has not been impacting the profitability, productivity and utilization. Any management consultant should be proud of such a comment. His company, which is perceived as a reports and market research provider but wants to grow in consulting, should in fact give value to such attributes and employees, who possess such attributes. However, that is not the case in his company!!! Here, such employees are required to change!!!

The individual who has been quoted at the beginning had added further, "Focus on getting more business. You should not say NO to anything that the client wants in scope. Do not worry about execution - that we will manage somehow".

'Manage somehow' is not the best approach in an industry where clients pay you for your expertise and project management skills. It is an industry where clients have 'almost zero tolerance' towards low quality and non-adherence to timelines.

The approach of 'get more business and do not say no to anything that the client wants in scope' is extremely risky. He thought that the fact that his management is still a fan of this approach, even after losing some high-profile clients in recent past, is nothing short of BIZARRE. His company lost a client, who had awarded more than 5 projects in that year, as the VP and Director/PM could not say NO to an impossible scope. The client has not worked with his company since then!!! Our management consultant had suggested that they should not touch the project. Still, people refuse to learn from the mistakes!!!

In fact, his 'questionable' attribute had helped in getting repeat business from multiple clients. There was a company which did not award a project to his company as they wanted to work with a more established consulting firm. They went with one of the best consulting firms that is around. However, it turned out that the consulting firm promised too many things (had not said NO to anything) and could not deliver. The next time, the client awarded the project to our management consultant's company and he led the project. And like always, he executed the project perfectly (clearly he is not being modest!!!). Later, the client awarded his company another project and requested him to lead the project. So, his work made a client happy - the same client who was pissed with the quality of work produced by a top consulting firm. Commendable, is it not? It is indeed but such qualities are not valued in his company. He wonders WHY!!!

He points that he does not believe in playing safe. He does not promise only those things which can be 'easily' delivered. Firstly, in consulting, no one pays for things that can be easily delivered. Moreover, in consulting, you are selling an idea and service, which needs to take shape over the duration of the project. Things have to go as per plan and have to fall in place. So everything is a risk. One has to take a risk and plan/aim for whatever can be delivered in the best quality. However, one should not 'gamble' while pitching for a project. One needs to be realistic and practical, which he is (again, no sign of modesty!!!).

Our management consultant wonders....if he needs to change himself and if he needs a change.

Dost, they say time heals. Have been trying but it has not helped....at least so far. It would take more time. Till then....take care

Today's Learning: How Not to Manage a Crisis

If, by any chance, you want to learn how to create a crisis during a crisis management exercise, come to me. I will share my day with you. And I did not create that situation. If you know me well enough, you probably already guessed that.

To all those people, I just want to say that probably these are the reasons why even your most trusted generals have been making fun of you since Day 1.

Mind your own business

Jab kisi se koi gila rakhna,

Saamne apne aaina rakhna

Easier said than done. Its not that am able to do it. I get too excited and worked up when am angry and then say things which I would never have said otherwise. However, when there is no heated argument, I try not to say things as I know that I am no god. I havd sinned as well.

But there are others who seem to truly believe that they are always right. And in this frame of mind they go on passing comments on others and preaching things to others!!! I truly despise such people.

And then there are others who do not say things directly. They hide behind rhetoric or poetic words. Such people are cowards 'as well'.

They try to keep a backdoor open so that they can go back and say that they were 'misunderstood'. Have seen enough of such crap to understand their true colors.

Do not forget that I and several others truly understand how dramatic you. People understand the hollowness of your emotions, smiles and tears. You have suffered in life and I do not get any kind of sadistic pleasure out of that. But you have asked for it. And you have made others around you suffer even more. Most of them do not realize it due to a brainwashing that has happened from an early stage. But others do understand it.

'Some of them do laugh at your tears'. Getting my drift? Well...as I said....I do not laugh at your tears. I have become emotionless as far as you are concerned. I do not get moved by your emotions. And I do not cry on your shoulders when am sad depressed. So please do not comment ('if you did') on my sorrows. You do not have any business doing that.

And if you have anything to say to me or ANYONE else, please be direct.

A Project Manager in Vigg Voss: Project Costing Task

• Vigg Voss asks a Project Manager to prepare a proposal
• Project Manager prepares the proposal keeping in mind the client requirements
• Vigg Voss suggests that more deliverables should be included to make the project bigger
• Project Manager points that other deliverables are not the core requirements and if we suggest them, the client would…..want them…. in the same budget
• Vigg Voss smiles and says “Yaaaaa”
• Vigg Voss then takes the Project Manager through his own experiences and how he became the Vigg Voss
• The additional deliverables are included
• Project Manager calculates the effort required
• The required hours are entered against the required resources in the project costing tool i.e., Project Form A
• The tool gives the project cost and also indicates the profitability
• Vigg Vosses gets excited about the prospect of making that money
• However, at the same time Vigg Voss is not sure whether the client has that kind of budget
• Project Manager points that with the existing scope, the costing cannot be reduced without impacting the profitability
• Vigg Voss points that the project costing tool is flawed……but needs to be followed
• Vigg Voss suggests that the number of hours should be reduced to be able to reach a figure that Vigg Voss believes the client would be ready to pay
• Project Manager points that with the current scope, the hours cannot be reduced
• Vigg Voss smiles and says “Yaaaaa”
• Vigg Voss suggests that the hours should be reduced in costing tool but in the productivity tool, the resources would get the required number of hours
• Project Management finds this….’wrong’….but Vigg Voss is THE BOSS
• The reduced costing is prepared and submitted to the client
• Client says it is ‘slightly’ out of budget
• Vigg Voss decides to reduce the costing…without reducing the scope
• Project Manager points that the client may think that we had a high margin earlier and that is why we have been able to accommodate the reduction. This will impact future business as well and thus, we should defend our costing…at least slightly
• Vigg Voss smiles and says “Yaaaaa” and reduces the costing. Still no reduction in the scope
• The reduction means even lesser hours for each resources in the project costing tool….but as per Vigg Voss, the tool itself is flawed
• Client commissions the project
• Project Manager assigns ‘required hours’ to each team member in the productivity tool and sends it for approval to Vigg Voss
• Vigg Voss approves the hours….though they are more than double than what has been shown in the costing tool….and when the policy is that the hours should match in both systems
• Project Manager gets the required hours and thinks that Vigg Voss is fair
• After few days, Vigg Voss has another project for the Project Manager
• Project Manager points that he is completely tied up with the existing project and he has full time billing
• Vigg Voss points that the hours in the costing tool are much lower so Project Manager MUST find a way to deliver the same scope in much lesser hours!!!
• Project Manager is confused
• Project Manager asks that how come the effort to be put in should be proportional to what is being charged to the client and the scope has no correlation to the costing?
• Vigg Voss smiles and says “Yaaaaaa”
• Vigg Voss comes up with a solution….he suggests that “since the client is paying us less….we should tell the client that we will drop a few deliverables”
• Project Manager points that it is not fair to do that after the project has been commissioned
• Vigg Voss smiles and says “Yaaaaaa”
• Vigg Voss comes up with another solution….he suggests that “since the client is paying us less….we should spend less time…..but at the same time ensure that all the promised deliverables are taken care of……but spend less time on the project…..but that does not mean we should compromise the quality”
• Project Manager asks that how can the exact same work with the same quality be done in …for example…both 300 and 150 hours? Lesser hours would translate into lesser work or lesser quality
• Vigg Voss says “Yaaaaaa”
• Vigg Voss tells the Project Manager that the Project Manager is the best judge and he should take care of it. If it requires more hours, it requires more hours
• Project Manager is not convinced and is sure that it will impact his prospects in the company…err…the show
• As expected, later the Project Manager is given a feedback that he should “learn to multi-task” and “should add more value” and “should not over-deliver”
• Project Manager points that he could not multi-task as the existing project involved (and required) his full time involvement
• Project Manager points that he did not over-deliver…he just delivered what was promised to the client
• Project Manager reasons that he has been adding more value as happy and satisfied clients are more likely to come back with more projects and his clients have indeed been coming back
• Project Manager points that in consulting, one has to nurture existing relationships instead of going for a new relationship every time
• Vigg Voss says “Yaaaaaa”
• Project Manager feels he would soon be eliminated

1(Note: Management Consulting version of the popular reality show, Bigg Boss)

A letter to someone who I hope never reads it

Dear Teacher,

I came across your picture somewhere and I must say, I was relieved. Things did not end on the right note. Things could have been better or at least could have been handled better. But I could not do that and that haunts me.

There was no fault of yours. Absolutely none. In fact you were so good that I got scared that I may hurt you if it goes on. You may be holding a grudge against me and I cannot blame you for that. I deserve it. But I hope you understand that I did not have any bad intentions. We did not even meet during the period.

I remember how we first talked in that phase. I called you and I do not know why. There was no reason for that call. I was going through a bad phase and I just wanted to talk to someone. I used to call random people in my contact list because I needed to stop myself from drifting away. We talked and somehow instantly connected. That was not the first time we were talking but that was indeed the first time that we truly connected. I always liked you and I still do. But now more, in a respectful and caring way. 

Whenever I think about that phase, multiple emotions come into my mind. I find the whole phase strange as two people started talking after so many years and connected so well. I was talking and listening and you were doing the same. Some may say that whats unique about that. But do we really talk and listen to people around us. I do not think so, unless we like the person and find some kind of connect in the situation, thought process, mental state etc. I talked to you and shared my woes. I listened to your problems and truly cared about you. You did the same. I believe that we truly needed each other at that time and we did help each other. But that scared me as well.

I do not open up to people very often but if I connect with someone, I share my thoughts and emotions quite easily... and sometimes I do that without giving proper thought to it. I liked you, I liked talking to you but I had never thought of the future. But you started doing that. Not blaming you for that at all. After all, that was the obvious thing to do. I would not say that I was shocked by the topic when it first came up but it made me think. 

I was just not sure at that time. I was liking the phase but I was not sure about the next steps. It was more of a 'May Be' than a clear-cut 'Yes' or 'No'. I was thinking about it and believe me, I was preparing myself. After all, I was liking our bond and knew that things would not be 'too bad'. However, I wanted to be 100% sure before jumping to some kind of futuristic move. 

You did not know about my dilemma as that was probably the only thing that I was not sharing with you. I was confident that I would be able to get past the dilemma and things would be fine again. And, you were not pressurizing me in any manner. It is not that there was an urgency to make a move. Things were going on as usual but I wanted to make up my mind sooner than later as I did not want to hurt you at a later stage. It may sound difficult to believe but it is true.

Then , something happened during that period. Something important to your family. And the development was going to ease a lot of pressure on you. I was happy for you and your family. However, I noticed that you started 'investing' more in that development than you should have. I pointed that out and I was taken aback by the answer. You mentioned that you do not want anything for yourself as you have me on your side. I was not ready for that. I was too confused in that stage to commit to that. I became nervous. It is not that I was running away from a relationship, it is just that I was not sure about the future of the relationship at that moment. Taking the relationship further would have involved similar kind of issues that I had gone through along with my family, not too long ago. I was not prepared for that but was indeed preparing myself for that.

However, now I was required to make a decision quickly as you were about to make huge decisions. It would have been disastrous if I backed the decisions and later backed-out of the relationship. I did not want to put you in that situation. After all, it was not a fling. I truly liked you and cared about you. I had to make a decision quickly and I did. But I did not execute it in as sensitive manner as the situation and our bond demanded. I did not have the courage to explain it to you through a mature conversation. I did try but I was not as honest about the reasons as I should have and was putting the blame elsewhere. You, of course, were still being supportive and that was making it even more difficult. Finally, I decided that I should cut off the ties as otherwise both of us would suffer. 

I mentioned earlier that whenever I think about that phase, multiple emotions come into my mind. Often, it brings a smile on my face as it was something truly special. The phase included pure 'selfless' romance. We did need each other but we cared about each other more than we cared about ourselves and our needs. However, more than the positive emotions, it brings negative emotions. Of course, for myself. I feel like a coward. I feel ashamed. I feel disgusted with myself. I did not behave like a good person and that haunts me. It is truly one of the biggest regrets of my life. What hurts and haunts me most is the thought that I probably did the same to you what another person did to me. Though there is a big difference. I was not being selfish while making the decision and I know that. Yet, I did not explain things to you in a decent manner and probably made you hope and wait for my call. I am truly sorry for that. 

At the same time, I would be honest and say that it is not that I miss you. I am in a committed relationship now and I am very happy in that relationship. I have moved on and so have you. However, as I mentioned earlier, I do think about those days and that phase. They haunt me and constantly remind me of the mistakes I made. I think about the phase and pray for your well-being. 

And then I saw your picture. You looked happy and good. And that made me feel extremely happy and relieved. It is not that I was expecting you to be in a depressed and distraught state even after so many years. Nothing like that; I do know that I am not that important. But I do know that such things leave a scar and a bad taste. I have gone through it myself and I can understand. I hope I am different & wrong and you no longer think about that phase at all. All these years, I have always hoped to get the news that you are happy in your life and now, I finally know that and I am so happy for you.

I wish I could say sorry to you in person. But I do not 'seek' that opportunity. You have moved on and you are happy. I do not want the bad taste to come back in your life even for a moment. I do wish we could be friends though. 

I would always pray for your happiness. God bless you!!!

Weedabloo maata ka jagraata hai.....again :(

Dragon is bullying everyone around its den. The victims are panicking but they do not have any options . Tiger is the second most powerful animal in the jungle but against the might and firepower of the Dragon, it is looking like a wet puppy. 

Tiger is becoming friends with the Sun and thinks it is a good idea. Sun is being bullied by the Dragon as well and enemy of an enemy is a possible friend. However, Sun may have the resources but it lacks muscles. Collectively they do not become a force that would scare the Dragon away. And in the past, Tiger has been beaten up by the Dragon for becoming friends with Dragon's prey and for thinking that it can dictate terms with Dragon.

It seems Tiger has not learnt the lesson. We do not want Tiger to hide in its den. Rather, we want Tiger to understand the danger that Dragon poses and plan accordingly. Only once the Tiger has gained enough strength, it should think about giving any subtle or strong message to the Dragon. Right now, Tiger is not in that position. Trust me Tiger, Dragon will beat the shit out of you. So, prepare and prepare hard. 

And yes, do not think that if you keep quiet and ignore, Dragon will not harm you or go away. Dragon gets what it wants as the Dragon knows that Tiger and other animals in the jungle have neither the strength nor the balls. So my dear Tiger, be prepared as the Dragon is coming!!!!

There is a little bit of Raj Thakeray, Digvijay Singh in a lot of people. Subah subah benjo mood kharaab kar rahe hain

I would not mind talking to you. Yes, there are a few things that I did not like but that was years back. Yes, I still believe that I did have a point but how does it matter anymore. Yes, I do agree that I may have hurt you as well but that is what happens in/after an unpleasant episode. 

But, I do not know what to say when I call you. I cannot talk just for the sake of talking. That would be so awkward. I do not know whether you have something to say or not. You used to call whenever there was something.....now there are formal looking mails here and there. I cannot be fake in any kind of relationship so I cannot call up and talk about trivial things.

Till the time we have something to say to each other.........