The Message That Made Me Proud

Yesterday, it rained heavily in Hyderabad. While rain brings joy after a prolonged period of scorching heat and summer, it also brings a problem: waterlogging and flooding in several areas. With unplanned development and little regard for proper drainage, many Indian cities are facing this issue.

The situation was particularly bad in the area where I live. Due to the sudden rain, the basement parking in my apartment was completely flooded. I had just left the office when I received a message from the building secretary asking residents not to park in the basement and to plan for other options.

I went to a restaurant and waited there for a couple of hours, hoping that the situation would improve. Then the secretary sent a picture of the basement, and it became clear that there was no way anyone would be able to park there for at least a day. I went back to the office, parked my vehicle there, and came home in a cab.

I had left the office at 6:15 PM, before the secretary's first message, and eventually reached home at 9:45 PM, only to find that the lift was not working. So I had to climb five flights of stairs, which, as one can imagine, was not an issue at all given my prime, pro-athlete-level fitness!

I was thinking...such a bad day!

Then my wife told me about the caretaker of the building. He handles various tasks in the building and also cleans by car everyday. He and his family live in a small room in the basement. He had shared some pictures of the damage caused by the water near his room. He told my wife that the TV and refrigerator had been damaged and that water had entered the room. I saw a picture in which he was standing in water near his room, and the water level was above his knees.

And I was thinking I had a bad day!

I did not know the full extent of the damage, and I will be honest, I did not think about it too much at the time. Maybe I was too tired, but looking back, I should have tried to find out more.

Today at the office, I saw more pictures and videos. This time they were of his room itself. The bed, refrigerator, TV, kitchen, wardrobe, clothes, the entire household had been severely impacted by the flooding. The family had tried to save what they could. The refrigerator was placed on the bed, and other household items were stacked above it. I also learned that the family had to move into a conference room on the ground floor and sleep there without beds or mattresses. 

When I reached home, my wife told me something that happened today. My daughter reaches home from school before us. When she gets home, she usually calls my wife or sends a message to let her know she has arrived safely and if there is anything else we should know. Today, however, she wrote that she had seen the caretaker and that he was probably crying. She asked my wife if we could do something for him.

When I learned about this exchange between my wife and daughter, I must admit I felt happy and genuinely proud. I am proud that she has empathy. She feels the pain of others.

She may not feel bad for her mother when she causes agony by keeping a messy room, but I am glad that she feels the pain of others when their home and belongings are turned upside down. That is far more important.

We may be raising a slob, but at least she's a slob with a good heart!

(Update: We helped the caretaker with a small financial contribution, and we plan to speak with the building secretary about the possibility of residents pooling funds to support the family) 

800 Kilometres for a Dosa

One of the most eventful road trips of my life happened in 2005.

Me and some of my MBA batchmates were working together in a company in Bangalore and, along with another office colleague, we planned a weekend trip to Udupi, roughly 400 kilometres away. The group comprised five of us: Subhasish Sahoo, Biraja Sahu, Prachi Rastogi (all three are my batchmates and ex-colleagues) and Sunil Ghorpade. Subhasish, Biraja and Prachi were good friends. Sunil, at that point, was merely a colleague from another team. Today he is a good friend. Perhaps because we survived this trip together. Or perhaps because we shared a common tormenter.

I do not remember how this particular combination of people came together or who first suggested the trip. I was invited, and I joined. 

We were to travel in Sunil's black Tata Indica. Since he was the only one with a car, I suspect that was the primary qualification required for his inclusion in the group. (Sunil - if you read this, you must know that even if that is true, it was not my idea. It is not my style!)

The plan was to leave office on Friday, 7th October 2005, drive overnight and reach Udupi the next morning. However, like most road trips, the start was delayed. We were all supposed to meet at the flat shared by Subhasish and Biraja. If memory serves me right, it was Sunil who arrived late. Eventually, we started well past midnight, technically on 8th October. In hindsight, that delay may have been a blessing because we managed to avoid Bangalore's legendary traffic jams and cruise through the city.

Despite the hour, spirits were high. We were chatting, sharing funny incidents, someone was talking about food, someone was pissing Sunil and me off. So....essentially a typical road trip with friends!

Sunil was driving and I was sitting in front passenger seat. Subhasish, Prachi and Biraja were in the backseat.

Around 4:30 in the morning, we stopped briefly. It was to empty our bladders and refill it with beer. In reality, we were lost! 

We had arrived at a junction where two roads diverged and none of us knew which one to take. I think both roads eventually led to Udupi but, much like life choices, one was probably sensible and the other regrettable. We simply did not know which was which. 

After seeking advice, debating the matter at length and applying the collective wisdom of five sleep-deprived adults, we confidently chose....the wrong one.

The road we selected had streetlights while the other appeared dark. That must have been a major factor in our decision-making process. Unfortunately, about ten kilometres later, the streetlights disappeared, the road narrowed, the darkness deepened and the surroundings began to resemble the opening scenes of a low-budget 'Ramsay Brothers' horror film.

It was a perfect setting for someone (Hello...I am Someone!) to start talking about some spooky stories. 

As the song Hotel California began playing, I shared an urban legend I had once heard. According to the story, the song possessed satanic powers. There had supposedly been an incident in which hostel students in different buildings committed suicide after listening to it. The story claimed they jumped around the same time and that the song was subsequently banned by some radio stations. While the rest listened with growing curiosity, Prachi repeatedly protested and insisted that we stop discussing spooky stories in the middle of a dark, deserted road in the middle of nowhere.

The moment I finished narrating it, the car hit something and came to a violent stop.

The headlights went out.

Suddenly, five of us were sitting inside a dead car in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by complete darkness. For context, it was so dark that I could not see my own hands. Prachi suggested that I step out and look what happened. I ignored it like Sunil and I ignored most things that Prachi said on that trip.

Unfortunately, remaining inside the vehicle indefinitely was not a viable solution. We eventually stepped out and attempted to understand what had happened. We examined the car, exchanged theories and displayed varying degrees of confidence while possessing absolutely no knowledge.

After some time, a truck stopped. The driver took one look at the vehicle and announced that a rod connecting the front wheels had bent and needed repair or replacement. To this day, I do not understand how that would explain the headlights going out. I continue to blame Hotel California.

Somehow, we managed to get the vehicle moving and crawled to the next village, which was about an hour away. We asked around for a auto workshop, located a mechanic, woke him up, got the car repaired and then drove to another town to have the wheel alignment fixed. Despite our delayed departure, we had originally expected to reach Udupi by 7AM. We finally arrived sometime after 4PM.

We were tired and sleepy. The sight of the hotel was comforting. When we reached the hotel parking, I was desperately looking for a bed and pillow. And that is precisely when Sunil and I managed to lock the car with the key still in the ignition. Nobody was inside. All the doors were locked. All the windows were shut!

We stood there staring at it, hoping it was a bad dream. It wasn't. Though it was indeed a nightmare unfolding in broad daylight.

The hotel guard suggested a workshop about a hundred metres away. We went there with no hope whatsoever. The place looked as though it only repaired vehicles from the World War II era.

We explained the problem. "Easy job," they said. I remember being sarcastic about their (over) confidence.

Two men from the workshop accompanied us back to the hotel parking lot. One walked beside us. The other, who looked about our age, walked ahead carrying a flat metal strip roughly a foot and a half long. He had the swagger of Viv Richards walking out to bat. The confidence was impossible to miss. I was convinced reality was about to humble him.

Halfway there, he turned around and asked, "The vehicle does not have central locking, right?"

"It does," Sunil and I replied together.

He did not give much of a reaction and continued to walk ahead of us...but now a little slower. The spring in his stride had reduced. I thought... There....now his bubble has burst. I mentally congratulated myself on being right. 

He reached the vehicle before us and, by the time we caught up, the car was already open!!! 

Just like that!! No drama. No struggle. No suspense.

He and his companion then walked back to their workshop, refusing any payment. He was not doing it for money. He was simply a superhero helping two helpless men.  

The car was open, but Sunil's worries remained. "If it is this easy to open the lock, how safe is it to leave the car parked here?" he asked. At the time, I thought it was a ridiculous concern. I pointed out that, by that logic, he could never leave his car unattended anywhere. Years later, after buying my own vehicle, I understood exactly what he meant.

We finally rested...briefly. Very briefly.

Subhasish had no intention of wasting valuable sightseeing time on something as trivial as rest or sleep. He produced his Bible, Outlook Traveller Weekend Breaks from Bangalore, and announced that we needed to visit a temple and then proceed to Mitra Samaj restaurant to eat the famous 'Outlook Masala Dosa'. The dosa - a family size one - had been featured in Subhasish's Bible and the restaurant had renamed it to Outlook Masala Dosa. 

Subhasish was not asking or seeking opinions. Sunil and I looked at each other and then at Subhasish with hope that he would have some pity. He showed none.

I finally objected. There was no way I was visiting a beach town and beginning my sightseeing with a temple and a restaurant. We would go to the beach first. Thankfully, better sense prevailed and we reached the beach before sunset. We could not spend much time there because darkness was approaching, but we agreed to return early the next morning to watch the sunrise over the sea.

I cannot blame anyone else for that idea. It was entirely mine. I wanted a nice photograph of the sun rising over the horizon. Emerging out of the sea! 🌅

After the beach, we visited the temple, which was beautiful and pleasantly uncrowded. Then we finally had the legendary Outlook Masala Dosa along with lassi. On the way back to the hotel, I bought some alcohol because I suffer from a peculiar problem. When I am extremely tired, I struggle to sleep.

The alcohol did not help. Neither did the new and unfamiliar surroundings. Nor Sunil's frequent peeking from the window to check if the car was still there. As a result, I got the least sleep among all five of us. Yet, I was the one who woke everyone up before dawn. Anything for that photograph!

Nobody was pleased. But everyone came anyway.

We reached the beach while it was still dark. In fact, it was so early that the guards appeared suspicious of our intentions. Perhaps they thought we had come to have booze. Perhaps they thought we had come to commit suicide. Perhaps they thought we had come to kill Prachi. The third option was most probable.

We walked a little, found a spot on the sand and sat down to wait for the sunrise. Some of us chatted. Some yawned. Some briefly dozed off. All of us stared out towards the sea, patiently waiting for the sun to emerge....from the sea!!

We were so tired and sleep deprived that our brains were not functioning properly. After waiting for an eternity, someone noticed a shadow. A shadow??!!?? 🤔

Subhasish was standing behind us. His shadow was falling across where we sat.

And that was when it 'dawned' upon us!

Udupi is on the west coast of India. While we had been staring at the Arabian Sea waiting for the sun to rise from it, the sun had quietly risen behind us!!!  

The entire exercise had been pointless! We had sacrificed precious sleep, dragged ourselves out of bed before dawn, marched to the beach and waited patiently for a sunrise that was happening in the opposite direction.

There was a brief silence. Then came the blame game. Then came the embarrassment. And finally came the laughter. A lot of laughter.

Later, we had breakfast, and by the time we returned to the hotel, it was time to check out. After getting ready, we left for a boat ride to a nearby island before beginning the long drive back to Bangalore.

Looking back, the trip makes very little sense.

We drove more than 800 kilometres, slept for only a few hours, got lost, broke down in the middle of nowhere, frightened ourselves with ghost stories, locked ourselves out of the car, and returned home exhausted.

For what?

A temple visit. A lassi. An oversized dosa. And a sunrise that happened behind us!

But then, the best road trips are rarely about the destination. They are about getting lost on the way and having enough namooney (characters) in the car to make it memorable. After all, nobody remembers a trip because everything went according to plan.

Click for Video of Our Trip

The Real 'Darr' Was Outside the Theatre

Was listening to a song recently and got reminded of an incident from 1993.

Growing up, summer vacations more often than not meant one thing. A trip to Patna.

A large part of my extended family lived there. Several of my Buas and Phuphas, along with countless cousins. As a kid, I used to be incredibly excited about those trips. In fact, I used to be jealous that my cousins got to spend so much time together while I met them only during vacations. Summers in Patna meant large family gatherings, games, cricket, good food, ice creams, endless stories and complete freedom. Honestly, what else does a child need?

One thing that happened very often during those vacations was family movie outings. Not small groups. The entire clan. Sometimes twelve to fifteen people together or even more.

During that trip, the plan was to watch Darr, starring Sunny Deol, Shah Rukh Khan and Juhi Chawla. Even before its release, the movie had become hugely popular and was generating tremendous interest. Tickets were obviously difficult to get. So, like every large Indian family, responsibility was delegated to the younger boys.

One of my cousins was given the task of arranging tickets. I went along with him. Two of his friends joined us as well since they also wanted to watch the film with us. The four of us landed at the theatre early in the morning - probably around eight or eight thirty - because we wanted to beat the crowd and get tickets for a truckload of people.

We were expecting chaos. We had mentally prepared ourselves for pushing crowds, long queues, disappointment, maybe even failure. But to our surprise, the exact opposite happened. The ticket counter had just opened and within minutes we had all the tickets we needed. Just like that.

Mission accomplished! We found a phone booth and informed others that we have managed to get the tickets!

But then came a new problem. If my memory is not failing me, we were still around 90 minutes away from the start of the movie.

This was the early 1990s. There were practically no options to spend time that early in the morning. Most shops were still shut. Only a few eateries selling chai, samosa, jalebi and similar snacks were open. Going all the way back home and returning again for the movie felt unnecessarily exhausting. So we stood outside the theatre trying to figure out what to do.

That is when I noticed something strange.

My cousin and his two friends had started discussing something quietly among themselves. Every few seconds, they would look at me awkwardly and continue whispering. It was obvious that his friends were nudging him to ask me something, but he was unsure how I would react.

For context, I was almost fourteen years old and this cousin was around two years older than me. So he and his friends must have been around sixteen. We lived in different cities but studied in the same class, so our relationship was more like friends. Still, there was visible hesitation in the air.

Finally, I asked what was going on.

After some visible reluctance, he told me.

Before the morning show of Darr, the theatre was running an adult film in the early morning slot. And the three of them were discussing whether we should use the waiting time to go watch it. He asked me if I was okay with the idea.

A hundred thoughts ran through my head instantly.

Until that moment, I had never watched an adult movie in my life. I was not even 14. So naturally, I was nervous and deeply uncomfortable. But at the same time, like boys and men often do, I desperately did not want to appear inexperienced or scared in front of the others. Internally, I was absolutely shitting bricks. Externally, I tried my best to look calm and unfazed.

I agreed.

But not before raising what I thought was a very important concern.

Darr was supposed to start in around 75 minutes and knowing our family members, most of them would probably arrive only 60-80 minutes later. But what if, for once, they actually arrived early? They would notice that we were missing. Worse, they might see us walking out of the theatre.

That, ironically, was the real Darr. 

(For my non-Hindi speaking readers - and I would like to believe that people actually read this blog - Darr means Fear)

I raised this point partly because I genuinely feared getting caught and partly because I hoped it would make them abandon the plan altogether. To my relief, the point landed. They looked at each other and agreed that it was a valid concern. 

Unfortunately for me, they were not as Darr-pok as I was. (Darr-pok means coward)

The adult movie (I do not recall the name) had already started, so they quickly came up with what they believed was a foolproof plan. We would immediately buy tickets, go inside, watch the movie for no more than 45 minutes and come out well before our family members arrived.

I had to admit, it sounded logical. And with that, the plan was put into action.

We bought the tickets and entered the theatre. There were only a handful of people inside. We quietly went and sat in a corner. The movie had already been running for some time.

Technically, I was watching the movie. Mentally, however, I was sitting on a ticking time bomb.

Not because the movie itself was particularly scandalous. In fact, from what I remember, it was mostly terrible and had very few actual adult scenes. Whatever 'adult content' it had was mostly limited to occasional nudity rather than anything explicit. My cousin and his friends were giggling occasionally, not on the scenes but at the expressions of people sitting in that dark theatre - early in the morning!

Meanwhile, I was doing only one thing. Checking my watch every few minutes.

After around 25 minutes, I elbowed my cousin and whispered, “Should we leave?” 

He looked at his watch casually and replied, “There’s still a lot of time.”

Five minutes later, I asked again. Same response. This happened a few more times.

Finally, after spending about 40-45 minutes inside the theatre, my cousin agreed to leave. Maybe he got irritated with my constant questioning. Maybe even he had started getting nervous.

The moment he agreed, I practically sprang out of my seat. I led the group toward the exit like a man escaping a crime scene. My only objective was to get out quickly, reach a safe spot outside and ensure we did not get caught by any family member.

The exit opened into a narrow roofless alley beside the theatre which connected to the parking area in front.

I walked out first, almost charging through the alley. And then, in what felt like a perfectly scripted twist written by a sadistic Bollywood writer, I froze...

Around 15 steps away stood a man holding a large video camera on his shoulder. And he was recording people coming out of the theatre!!

For a second, my soul left my body.

Thankfully, this was one situation where none of us needed discussion, consensus or strategic planning. Without saying a word, all four of us instantly covered our faces and sprinted past the camera like fugitives escaping a police raid.

We did not stop running until we were at least a hundred metres away from the theatre.

Once we finally caught our breath, we looked at each other. Every single face was pale. The confident 'men' who had decided to watch the movie had vanished. Only four scared boys remained.

After waiting for some time, we cautiously walked back toward the theatre, but only after a large crowd had gathered outside. We quietly stood in one corner and noticed that the cameraman was still there and he was accompanied by a couple of others.

After asking around, we discovered who they were.

It was the crew of Ankhon Dekhi, one of the most respected investigative journalism programs on Doordarshan during the 1990s and early 2000s. Hosted by journalist Nalini Singh, the show was known for fearless reporting and social issue investigations across India.

And that day, they were shooting an episode about children falling into bad habits.

The real problem was this: my immediate and extended family never missed an episode of Ankhon Dekhi.

Eventually, the family members arrived and after some time we stopped thinking about the incident. Frankly, what else could we do? All of us watched and thoroughly enjoyed Darr.

That particular episode of Ankhon Dekhi was not aired immediately. It probably took a couple of weeks and by then we had already returned from Patna. Back then, we did not have cable TV (or dish TV) at home. Unlike today’s world of endless television channels and streaming platforms, back then Doordarshan was pretty much our only source of TV entertainment. Yet for the next several weeks, I kept inventing excuses to prevent my family from watching Ankhon Dekhi.

The day the episode finally aired, I do not think I watched it myself.

I found out later that the episode thankfully did not contain the blockbuster scene that could easily have converted my life into a full-fledged horror movie.

At the beginning, I mentioned that listening to a song reminded me of this incident. The song is Jaadu Teri Nazar from Darr. I love the song but even today, whenever I hear it playing somewhere, I instantly get transported back to that morning in Patna. 

Looking back now, it is funny how terrified we were. Four boys acting like fugitives after watching forty minutes of a terrible adult movie. But at fourteen, reputation, fear and imagination combine in strange ways. And for a few weeks in 1993, I genuinely believed my life could be destroyed by Ankhon Dekhi.

The 'Divine Light' is Guiding Your Wife

Dear Jagdev,

The day I wrote that blog (The Laughter, The Arguments, The Regret and The Relief) about you, something strange happened. I suddenly realized that I had your mother’s phone number saved on my phone. I do not remember when I got the number or how long it had been sitting there quietly in my contacts. I did not even know whether the number was still active, whether she was still in India or whether she had moved abroad to stay with one of your sisters.

After thinking about it for a while, I decided to call. And to my relief, she picked up.

I gave her a brief background. I told her that you and I were classmates in school and that I had met her a couple of times between 1994 and 1996. Naturally, she did not remember me. Why would she? I was just another boy from your school days. Tall, intelligent, good looking (all that just in my mind) but just another boy. 

I told her that I had only called to check how she was doing. And suddenly she started crying uncontrollably. Honestly, that shook me. I am sorry to make your mother cry.

Somewhere in my mind, very foolishly, I had assumed that after all these years the pain would have softened a little. But listening to her cry, I immediately understood something that perhaps only parents understand fully - time may teach people how to continue living, but it does not erase loss.

After a while she handed the phone to your elder sister. We spoke briefly. It was a polite and slightly awkward conversation because she too did not really recall me.

After disconnecting the call, I sent them the blog I had written about you. Along with it, I requested if they would be comfortable sharing the contact details of your sisters and your wife.

There was no immediate response. And honestly, that was understandable. They were probably wondering who I was - someone who had suddenly called after decades, spoken emotionally about you and then shared a web link. In today’s world, where people are naturally cautious, I could understand their hesitation completely.

Then today, two days later, I received a few messages from your mother’s number. They were probably sent by your elder sister. She had read the blog and commented warmly about it. And then she shared the contact numbers of your younger sister...and your wife!

I could not stop myself from immediately messaging your wife on WhatsApp.

I introduced myself and shared some background. She too was understandably cautious in the beginning. In fact, one of the first things she asked me was how I had got her number. Sadly, the sheer number of spam calls and random messages people receive these days has made everyone naturally suspicious of unknown callers, especially from India.

I explained how I had received her number through your family and that probably calmed her nerves a little. I asked her how she was doing and how your daughter was doing. She shared a couple of pictures of your daughter. After that we exchanged a few more messages. Then I shared the blog I had written about you.

She read it. And asked me if she could call me.

Honestly, while I genuinely wanted to connect with your family, I was not expecting that at all. Somewhere in my mind I had assumed they may feel uncomfortable speaking to a stranger from your distant school days.

So when she asked if she could call, I was pleasantly surprised. And then we had a video call.

She was there. And so was your daughter. And for the first time, I spoke to her.

Noor. Which means 'Divine Light'. Such a beautiful name. 

It was a lovely and emotional interaction speaking to your wife and daughter. Your wife was very emotional and, so was I. Life without you has clearly not been easy for them, but your wife is doing an exceptional job raising Noor. Noor is extremely pretty, bright, graceful and doing really well. She is growing into a wonderful, confident and lovely young lady who will make both her parents immensely proud. I told her that you often talked about her and you loved her a lot. 

While writing this, I am thinking that somewhere, somehow, you must already know all this. You must already be watching them with pride.

And today, after speaking to them, I felt something I have not felt in a very long time whenever I thought about you...

Relief. A deep sense of relief. As if a large rock - almost my size - has finally been lifted off my chest. I am so happy!

I will stay in touch with them and, like always, they will remain in my prayers. If they ever need me, I will always try to help in whatever way I can.

God bless you, my friend. And God bless your family.

The Laughter, The Arguments, The Regret and The Relief

My first memory of Jagdev goes back to Class 10 in school in Ranchi.

The session had already started a few weeks back and one of the classes was going on when a teacher walked into the classroom with a very lean, quiet Sikh boy and asked him to take a seat. That was Jagdev. If my memory is not failing me, he was wearing all whites - so maybe it was a Saturday - and had a green patka (A patka is a smaller, simpler form of turban worn by Sikh boys and sometimes by Sikh men during sports or casual activities).

To everybody’s amusement, instead of sitting in the boys’ section, Jagdev crossed the entire width of the classroom - straight to the first bench in the girls’ row - and sat there calmly. The entire class found it hilarious. Jagdev, however, looked completely unfazed.

I do not think we became friends immediately. In fact, when I think back about Class 10, I do not remember too many incidents involving him and me together. We must have been cordial - like everybody else in the class - but not particularly close.

He stayed in the main Dipatoli military cantonment on the outskirts of Ranchi and I stayed in the officers’ quarters in the middle of Ranchi. I am not even sure whether those were technically separate cantonments or part of the same military establishment. The two places were several kilometers apart and, in those days, friendships depended heavily on physical proximity. There were no mobile phones, no internet and no social media. Once school ended, everybody disappeared into their own part of the city.

Things changed a little in Class 11 when both of us joined the Commerce section. Ours was a smaller section with around fifteen or sixteen students while the Science and Arts sections were much larger. Smaller groups naturally create more interaction.

I started visiting his house occasionally. His family was warm and welcoming. His father had risen to officer rank in the army and they lived in officers’ quarters. Jagdev had sisters and he was the only son in the family. I could sense that he was deeply loved and probably the most naughty and pampered member of the household.

He was introverted. He spoke very little. But whenever he did say something, it was either unintentionally funny or unintentionally awkward.

And sometimes both.

The Haircut

One of my strongest memories from school involves Jagdev and a very unfortunate haircut.

When Jagdev had joined the school in Class 10, he used to wear a patka. At that point, like most Sikh boys from traditional families, he had long hair and had probably never imagined cutting it.

Then suddenly one day he decided to chop it all off. I still remember him telling me that with his hair gone, he was probably no longer welcome at his grandfather’s house in Punjab.

Why did he do it? I honestly do not know. Maybe he wanted to blend in better with the rest of us. Maybe he was tired of standing out. Or maybe, like most teenage boys, he thought a new hairstyle would dramatically improve his appeal among girls. High hopes!! That did not happen at all.

Initially, everything was fine. After the first few days, everyone got used to seeing Jagdev without a patka or turban. The novelty faded away and life moved on.

And then fashion happened.

Back in those days, a particular hairstyle had become extremely popular. Boys kept their hair longer on top while shaving or trimming the sides and the back almost to zero. Jagdev decided to go for it.

The result was unforgettable.

Since his scalp had remained covered by long hair and a turban throughout his life, suddenly exposing it fully revealed skin that was unbelievably white. It looked so strange and unexpected that the entire class found it hilarious. Even teachers commented on it. It made Jagdev awkward and conscious.

The next day, however, something miraculous happened.

Jagdev entered the classroom and his scalp looked completely normal. The shocking whiteness had disappeared overnight. For a brief moment we were genuinely wondering how he had managed that....Till he started sweating.

Slowly, very slowly, thin black streams began appearing near the sides of his head. That is when we realized the truth. To darken the exposed white skin, Jagdev had applied black liquid shoe polish all over his scalp. And now, because of sweat, the polish had started dripping down. People laughed uncontrollably. Even Jagdev eventually saw the funny side of it and started laughing himself.

Even today, after so many years, the incident brings a smile to my face.

Another thing that I remember from that entire haircut disaster is that Jagdev started getting a lot of flak from teachers for his new hairstyle. So, in what we believed was a great act of friendship and solidarity, some of us decided that we too would get the same haircut. I do not remember how many actually went through with it, but I definitely did. The hairstyle looked ridiculous on us. I blame the barber.

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

Another memory from those days is when he suddenly came to my house and insisted that I accompany him for a movie. The movie was Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge.

Both of us had already watched it, but he wanted to watch it again. He had truly loved the movie while I had found it just “okay”. So I was a little reluctant, but looking at his enthusiasm I joined him. He watched the movie like a complete fanboy and lived every moment of it. I could make out that the movie had made a significant impact on him. That remains one of my key memories of Jagdev from school days.

Shared Stupidity

There were also the usual immature school incidents that now seem ridiculous and funny in hindsight.

Once Jagdev made a remark to one of the girls in our class which offended her badly. She was furious enough to complain to our class teacher, who also happened to teach us Accountancy.

Now this particular teacher already disliked our group because we bunked his class quite regularly. So the moment he realized he finally had a legitimate reason to thrash one of us, he arrived in the classroom with the speed and aggression of a man who had been waiting for this opportunity for months.

Back then teachers could thrash students and easily get away with it. In fact, many parents probably considered it part of a teacher’s responsibilities. Nobody questioned it too much. Sometimes I miss those days (this is for a specific reader..my daughter)!

Until the teacher stormed into the classroom, most of us had absolutely no idea what Jagdev had done. The teacher entered, walked straight up to Jagdev and slapped him immediately before even beginning the lecture. The entire classroom froze for a second. Then he announced to everybody what Jagdev had apparently said to the girl.

The girls in class were scandalized. The boys - like boys - found the entire thing hilarious.

There stood our friend getting thrashed while the rest of us idiots struggled desperately to suppress our laughter. Some were giggling with heads down. Some were hiding behind notebooks pretending to be serious. We all ran the risk of becoming the next target.

School friendships are strange. At that age affection rarely expresses itself through emotional conversations or loyalty. More often it hides itself behind mockery, laughter, leg-pulling and shared stupidity.

Lost Touch

After Class 11, Jagdev left school. His father got transferred to Delhi (if I am not mistaken) and, like countless friendships in army/cantonment life, we lost touch completely. That was normal in the 1990s and before. People vanished from your life without closure. My father served in the army and I had already experienced this cycle repeatedly while growing up.

Reconnect-Disconnect-Repeat

Years later, social media happened.

Somewhere around 2012 or 2013, old classmates found each other again on Facebook and WhatsApp.

Jagdev was in Australia by then, living with his wife and daughter and working with Harvey Norman. I was in Malaysia with my own family.

Unfortunately, adulthood had changed all of us. In school we bonded over jokes, cricket, movies, girls and harmless stupidity. Now everybody had political opinions.

Jagdev and I often found ourselves on opposite sides politically. Initially the debates were manageable, but gradually they became personal and unpleasant. He would sometimes comment aggressively on my posts or on posts by some of my friends or colleagues, even though he did not know them personally. Heated exchanges became common.

To be honest, even in school we were never inseparable friends. After reconnecting online, we were more like old batchmates rediscovering each other.

Yet, when he blocked me on Facebook after one argument, I found it deeply strange. I could never understand how school friendships could become casualties of political disagreements.

Then one day he disappeared from the WhatsApp group too. For a couple of years, we did not interact.

Then one day in 2016, I randomly called him.

I have noticed something strange about myself over the years. I can remain angry with someone for a long time, but eventually the specifics fade away. That is a good habit in me. Unless I have felt insulted, I forget about the specifics of any argument or fight. I do not recall who said what. That makes it easy to overcome any bitterness. Sometimes all it takes is one normal conversation to rebuild a bridge.

That day I was sitting at KL Sentral in Kuala Lumpur when I decided to call Jagdev.

We spoke for a very long time. He spoke about spirituality and about a Guruji he had started following. He said he sometimes felt like leaving everything behind and staying in an ashram. He had actually discussed it with his Guruji but was discouraged from doing so. 

I asked him if everything is alright.

He told me that his marriage was going through a difficult phase. His wife had moved out and was staying separately with their daughter. I do not know the full story and therefore I cannot judge what happened between them. I told him that while I do not know the specifics, it seems that the issue is not something that cannot be resolved through communication and understanding. 

During the conversation, what I could clearly sense was the pain of separation from his wife and especially his child. Jagdev came across as a sensitive person and he sounded emotionally shattered. I realized for the first time how deeply he loved his daughter. 

I believe that daughters change men. They make even strong men vulnerable in the gentlest possible way.

That conversation affected me deeply and I prayed for him.

In the months that followed, he again went into a shell and unfortunately we again lost touch. I did try to reach him a few times but could not.

Regret

Probably the first time I regretted a social media argument was sometime in 2017.

Years earlier he had unfriended and blocked me after a political argument. Later he had again sent me a friend request on Facebook. I ignored it. Not because of ego. Not because I hated him. I think I simply felt hurt that somebody could throw away an old school connection over silly online debates.

Now I realize I was being equally silly.

In mid-2017, I got the news that Jagdev had passed away in a motorcycle accident in Punjab. It was a hit-and-run case. 

He was visiting his family in India. During his trip, he bought a motorcycle and had taken it out for a ride at night. A car hit him and sped away. He lay injured on the road for some time before help arrived. (source: a friend of Jagdev, who I reached out on Facebook when I heard the unfortunate news)

And just like that, a school friend was gone...forever.

Honestly, when I heard about his death, grief was not the only emotion I felt. I felt regret for losing touch. I felt regret for not accepting his friend request. I felt regret for not speaking to him more often.

But, above all, what haunted me most was the thought of his daughter. In 2017 she was just a toddler. I kept thinking that when she grows up, she may not even remember her father’s face clearly. She may never fully know how much he loved her.

And that thought broke something inside me. That silly argument and not accepting his friend request haunts me and will haunt me forever.

I made a silent promise to myself that if I ever get to connect with his daughter, I would tell her that her father truly loved her and cared for her deeply.

Relief

A few weeks ago another friend and classmate from school - Jinish Thomas - who is stays in Australia told me that Jagdev’s wife and daughter are doing well. They are in touch with Jagdev's family in Punjab and even visited them. He told me that Jagdev's daughter is growing up well. She is doing well in studies and extracurricular activities. She is happy. 

Hearing that gave me immense relief.

Jinish shared a video of Jagdev's daughter where she is wishing Happy Diwali to everyone. I felt that she looks like Jagdev but Jinish said she looks more like Jagdev's younger sister. I do not recall the face of Jagdev's sister so I cannot comment. But the video made me very happy and relieved.

I do not know if I will ever meet her in person or connect with her digitally. But if I do, I will tell her this -

"Your father loved you and cared for you deeply. More deeply than words can explain."

Jagdev, I miss you, my friend. Life took us in different directions and somewhere along the way we allowed silly arguments and distance to come between us. But when I think of you today, I remember the awkward, funny, sensitive boy from school days and the father who loved his daughter deeply. I will always pray for your daughter’s happiness, strength and well-being.

--------------------

The above is my FB post in 2017, when I heard the news. Much of what I had written, remains true even today. I still regret the silliness of those arguments and the distance that followed. But after hearing recent updates from Jinish about his daughter doing well, growing up happy and staying connected with Jagdev’s family, I finally felt a sense of relief. Somehow, that mattered to me more than I can explain. 

I Asked for an Image, Got an Experience

Creating images with AI can be both amusing and frustrating. While clear prompts are essential, even precise instructions do not always guarantee the desired outcome. In a recent attempt to generate an image using Gemini, I found the process unexpectedly cumbersome, frustrating but also hilarious! Below is my actual chat with Gemini, which illustrates the challenges I encountered during the image-generation process.

Me: Create an image of 2 friends running away from a shop with soft drinks bottles in hand. They are nervous. There is a scooter (lambretta) in the parking lot.Two male friends. One tall and one short. Running away from the shop. Each has a soft drinks bottles in hand.

Gemini: 

Me: Only one bottle each. Glass bottle.

Gemini:

Me: No. Each guy has only one bottle

Gemini:

Me: One guy is holding 2 bottles. Please remove one bottle

Gemini: 

Me: Now his hand is gone. Please fix that

Gemini:

Me: 😡😡😡 

R Ashwin Responded 😊

Happiness is...

...Making 4 mistakes and 6 blunders....and still winning!!!

Yesterday was Day 1 of my latest attempt to improve the health. Had a healthy breakfast. Since I will not be having the food I love (also known as junk food), Ananya made healthy (and thus non-edible) pizza, burger, fries and coke for me!!! My daughter is the best!!

Birthday Wishes from Narendra Bhai!!

Diwali Celebrations

Some Random Achievements/Certificates

Ananya's World of Peppa Pig

Ananya draws and draws well! Touchwood!

Back in my childhood days, I used to be good at drawing. I stopped as I used to be mocked and bullied by someone who was not good. I wish I could go back and change that. I would do whatever I can to ensure that Ananya keeps and hones her drawing skills and imagination.

Pune in Monsoon

This city and the touristy places near by turn heavenly during monsoons. We look forward to the rains which ushers greenery, long drives, kande pakode, tapri waali chai and lots of happy moments!!!

Self4Society

We Vote for Good Future, We Vote for India, We Vote for Modi

The Fog Resort and Spa, Munnar: Review

We stayed at 'The Fog Resort and Spa' for 2 nights (14-16th October 2017). However, my experience with the hotel started earlier than that. While making the booking on MakyMyTrip, I made an error and booked for 3 nights. This was a non-refundable deal. I called MakeMyTrip and the executive informed us that it can be reversed ONLY if the hotel agrees to it. He contacted the hotel and to our delight, the hotel management understood the situation and gave a go-ahead to the cancellation. I cancelled the booking and made a fresh booking.

On 14th October, I reached the hotel early and enquired if an early check-in is possible. They agreed and gave us a room. Though the room was great, I preferred a room on a higher floor. The Manager (Aby Abraham) happily agreed to change the room. The check-in process was smooth and quick. 

On the day of arrival, since we had checked in early, we had breakfast buffet at the hotel. It was not part of the package (my package included 2 breakfasts and 2 lunch/dinner as I was booked for 2 days only). At the time of check-out, I noticed that they had not included the additional breakfast in the bill. I pointed that and offered to pay but the management included that on complimentary basis!!!

My overall experience with Fog was exceptional. They have great rooms and lots of options for recreation. The location, rooms, food, recreational facilities, view....everything was great. However, the aspect that still stood out was the service. Being a travel enthusiast as well as a frequent business traveler, I have stayed in numerous hotels in India and abroad. Fog Munnar boasts of a truly outstanding staff. You would always be greeted with a polite smile. Every staff member is responsive to your needs. They are willing to go that extra mile to make the guests happy and ensure a great stay. They also click and give you a photograph in their own frame. These little gestures count a lot. Though, everyone was great, for us, Abey Abraham truly stood out!!!