Most em"bare"ssing moment of my life

Let me share with my trillions of readers (scotch has gone to my head) the most embarrassing moment of my life. Or should I say the most em"bare"ssing moment of my life.

It was 2006. I was staying on the outskirts of Hyderabad (a lot of my friends will find this an understatement). It was a Saturday morning. A friend, who had stayed at my place in the night (stop your imagination), was about to leave. I asked him if he could drop me to my office as I wanted to spend some time in the gym (my marriage was a few months away and I was trying to shed those extra kilos (read quintals)). The plan was that I would spend some time in the gym, take a shower over there and then directly go to a mall where the same friend would meet me for lunch. I got ready and we started on my friend's bike. Now lets discuss some facts;

1. The bike was a Hero Honda CBZ (nothing important over there)
2. The bike was low on fuel (important information)
3. The helmet was hanging behind the bike in such a manner that if anyone had to sit behind the rider, he had to lift his legs really really high to clear the helmet (keep that in mind; extremely crucial to the story)
4. I was not wearing the gym cloths and they were in the bag, along with a towel and a bottle of water (keep that in mind)
5. I was wearing a black trouser (not important, however now I wish I were wearing a "lungi")
6. The trouser was slightly tight (keep that in mind)
7. My house was on the outskirts (Thank God!!!)

Midway in our journey, the bike ran out of fuel. We were in the middle of nowhere and the nearest petrol pump was 6-8 kms away. We started pushing the bike. We must have pushed it for half a km when my friend suggested that we try tilting the bike, shaking it and starting it. Sometimes it works...for a short while. But that is better than pushing the bike. He tried that and bingo!!! It started!!! I jumped on the back seat and we started again, hoping to make it to the petrol pump. Just when we hit a comparatively busier road, the bike stopped again. We had covered only about a quarter of a km. It was a hopeless situation and we decided that one of us will take an autorickshaw, get petrol in a bottle and come back. We did do that but later (Why God???!!!!Why!!!!).

As I was about to leave to get an autorickshaw, my friend tried to kick start the bike again. And the damn thing started!!!! I got really excited and lifted my leg (really high, remember fact 3) to get on the bike. Just then there was a roaring sound (Charrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaakkkk) that was followed by a real nice, breezy feeling on my legs....thighs and above!!!! I wondered what caused that sound and then I looked down on my trousers. It seemed as if a nuclear device was tested on my trouser, it had exploded.......believe you me, I am not at all exaggerating it. Why would I exaggerate anything like this. The only piece that was holding my trouser to my body was the strip around the waste where one puts the belt. Below that strip, the trouser was "hanging" in four different parts, not attached to one another.

There I was, standing on the roadside with four pieces of cloth hanging to my belt!!!! No wonder I was feeling brrrrrreeeeezy!!!! I went numb and was about to faint. Just then I remembered the gym bag on my shoulder. I immediately took out the towel, covered myself and put on the trek pants......all that on the roadside, much to the amusement of the passers-by. And how can I forget....during my ordeal, my so-called good friend was busy recording all this on his mobile camera (thankfully he lost the video)!!!!

Till now, whenever I think about that incident, it gives me goose flesh. What if I was not going to the gym, what if it had happened on a busy street......I would have probably killed myself afterwards.