Invisible Barriers

In the calmness of the night, he was lying on his bed and was waiting for the right time. The eight year old was nervous but knew that it was the right thing to do. He was sleeping in the room with his grandmother, younger sister and elder brother. He thought about his father, whom he loved a lot. His father, a merchant navy officer, was posted on a ship thousands of miles away. He thought about his father and how much he missed him. However, at this moment, it was his mother that the young boy wanted to be with.

His mother had quietly finished all the chores and had gone to bed in ‘her’ room. Her room was just few metres away but still was very far away from him. He knew that his mother is in bed but she will not be sleeping. She will be missing a husband, who is thousands of miles away and she will be missing her children, who are just few metres away. However, it was the latter that seemed farther away.

The two rooms were separated by an invisible fence. Physically, the fence was not there but everyone knew that it is there. Tonight, he was planning to jump that fence. He was planning to hug his mother and let her know that he understands her pain.

Late in the night, he raised his head to check if everyone was asleep. It was difficult to be sure but tonight, he was willing to take his chances. He got up and moved stealthily towards the door. On reaching the door, he turned around and looked at everyone. He had a smile on his face which said that ‘I am going to be free’. With this smile, he jumped the fence!!!

He knew that his freedom would be short lived. He knew that he will have to return back to his bed before dawn. He was scared of getting caught.

As expected, his mother was lying on her bed but was not sleeping. He expected that his mother will be surprised to see him but he was delighted that she was not. His mother knew that he understands her pain and for some reason, was expecting him!!! He went and lied next to his mother. She cuddled him and it felt like the best place in the world. Soon, both of them were fast asleep. He had not slept like this in several months.

The next morning, he woke up to the chirping of birds. He still had a content smile on his face. However, he soon realised that it was slightly past the usual waking time of the household. He jumped out of the bed and bolted towards the other room. It was less than 5 seconds away but it was still sufficient to draw out the best and worst case scenarios.

Best case scenarios seldom found a place in that house. To his horror, the three souls in the other room were wide awake. He did not care about two of them but it was the third one that he was really worried about. Like always, his worries were not baseless. There was a massive cloud of tension in that room. The room felt like it was full of mourners. He could almost see his dead body lying in the middle. He quietly went and sat on the corner of one of the beds.

He knew that he had broken the unwritten rules but he did not understand those rules. He did not understand why his mother ‘was expected’ to sleep all alone. Nevertheless, he knew that he had broken the protocol and was expecting the worst. His sister and brother were sitting quietly....or probably mourning his death in advance!!! They had an expression on their face that read “we will be quiet as we do not want to get sucked into this controversy”. His grandmother was sitting on the bed and was staring at an invisible point of reference above the almirah. Her right foot was shaking like the tail of a rattlesnake, which was never a very good sign.

After around 15 minutes of deathly silence in the room, he started to feel guilty. He started to feel that he has committed a heinous crime. Another couple of minutes passed. He thought that instead of waiting, it will be better if he tried to calm the brewing storm. Nervously, he asked if everything is all right. What he did not know was that he was accidently stepping on the detonator. His grandmother kick-started the meaningless interrogation by asking why did he slip away in the night? Without a pause for a potential answer, she followed it up with more questions. Do I stop you from sleeping in that room? Why did you have to make me feel like a tyrant? I do so much for you and this is how you treat me? This went on for hours.

The ‘question and question’ session ended after a few hours, thanks to a bio-break for the grandmother. The other attendees did not need one as they were already shitting their pants. The morning session was followed by ‘flashbacks’ session in the afternoon. The stories had a common theme. They all reflected how much the grandmother loved and cared for him. However, he was not really listening and ‘feeling’ the stories. His mind was still stuck on “why”. He was indeed feeling guilty but he did not know why.

After the sessions, he went to his mom, who was sitting in her room. He looked at her with a confused look in his eyes. She did not say anything much. With pain in her eyes, she just said “mat aana ab...wahin soya karo” (from now on, do not come here....sleep there only). He could never forget that confusion and the pain in his mother’s eyes.