We are sorry Ananya

Dear Ananya,

I decided to write this to you as you are too young to understand this. And it is something that has been haunting me since yesterday. We felt bad when this happened and we feel bad whenever we are reminded (by each other) of the incident.

You are scared of movie theaters. You have indeed watched half a movie with us (you dozed off in the second half) but you were probably too young to get scared back then. Afterwards, we took you to watch an Amitabh Bachchan movie as you seem to be fond of him. However, you were scared by the dim lights and extremely loud sound (a monster screamed in a trailer before the movie started) and refused to sit in the hall. We tried whatever we could to pacify you and make you feel comfortable but you were just too scared. We came back before the movie could even start. We must have felt a little disappointed for missing out on an opportunity to watch a movie together but we understood your feelings.

Days and months went by. We never went to a movie hall again. Then one day we decided to try again. Your mom started to try and get you excited about watching an animated movie (your first movie was also an animated one) much before we left for the multiplex. You seemed excited.

However, when we reached the multiplex and were about to enter the hall, you started getting a little agitated. Probably the crowd, music and large posters reminded you of the last experience. You refused to go in the hall.

This time as well we understood your feelings but we tried to convince you to help you go past your fear. Your mom tried to remind you that you were so excited about watching the movie and it would be fun. But you did not change your mind.

We felt a little disappointed and said to each other (due to the disappointment) that we should not try again till you get much older. We were doing window shopping but we were definitely disappointed. I do not know whether you sensed our disappointment or just decided to give it a shot but you suddenly said "picture dekhenge" (will watch the movie)!!!

We were surprised and asked you again. You seemed absolutely unsure and confused but you again said, in a low voice, that you would watch the movie.

We were in the same complex and we returned to the multiplex. Just then I realized that you had gone absolutely quiet and were blankly staring at everything. You looked horrified. 

I pointed that to your mom and we asked you whether you want to watch the movie. You just looked at us and did not say anything. You had this uncertainty on your face and a hope that someone would understand. That is when I asked you with a smile "movie nahi dekhna hai na, ghar chalna hai na?" (You do not want to watch the movie and you want to go home, right?). You gave a faint but relieved smile and nodded.

I can never forget that expression of relief on your face. And I can never forget that you, sensing our disappointment, had decided to give it a shot. I am sorry Aanu, we should not have pushed you like that. We did not say anything to you but probably, with our expression and body language, we made you feel that you are doing something wrong. You were not. We were doing something wrong. And we are extremely sorry for that.

We will watch a movie together only when you are absolutely comfortable with it. I can understand that you have developed a mental block but that is okay. We are happy to wait.

I love you...always.

Papa