Shit Just Hit The Fan!!!

Yesterday, I got test results and like most tests (all kinds) in the later part of my life, the result did not give me any reason to celebrate. In fact, this time around the results are much 'different'. I am not talking about an academic test that I have recently appeared for. I am quite done with those. I am talking about medical test and those are the kind of tests that I have been appearing for quite regularly.

Coming back to the results, some knowledgeable people around me told me that the results give an early indication that I need to change a few things. I do not agree. I do not need to undergo medical tests to reach that conclusion. My bathroom mirror has been giving me such indication for sometime now.

This time around, the results tell much more. They indicate that I do not ONLY need to change a lot of things but I need to change them as quickly as possible. Shit has hit the fan!!!

For a while, loved ones have been telling me that I should try and bring myself back on track. They have always given suggestions and have shown a lot of concern. It has always made me uncomfortable. I have always tried to avoid or end such conversations by hiding behind excuses as well as genuine limitations. 

I can no longer afford to hide behind anything. The test results have not 'indicated' anything. They have not given me any kind of subtle message. Rather, they have grabbed me by the collar and slapped me a few times to give me a reality check.

'I have a family to take care of'. I always knew that but I do not think I have ever realized it more. I knew that I need to change things and I may be on the path to doom. But I always foolishly hoped that I may get lucky and manage to scrape through. The test results have shown that I am probably running out of luck.

I do not know if it is too late to make any resolutions and to start changing anything. It could well be too late. I would come to know the specifics only after a fortnight. However, irrespective of what those 'specifics' tell me, I am prepared to give it my best shot. After all, it is now or never. 

I am committing myself to give up on a lot of things that I love in order to not give up on a lot of people I love. Not from next Monday, not from coming weekend, not from tomorrow morning...I vow to change myself from this very moment. I am committing myself for that and I promise all the people who matter to me that I WILL try my best to turn things around. I would not stop 'hoping' though. But this time, I would just hope that it is not already too late. Wish me luck!!!